Robert Baer
Bennett Holiday Monologues
Provided the government approves the merger.
We're looking for the illusion of due diligence, Mr. Pope.
Lawyers are saying, "Hey if you can't trust a Big 5 accounting firm." And the accountants are saying, "Hey we aren't lawyers." Legal didn't understand. Accounting didn't understand. And nobody understood anything. The regulatory bodies had to scratch their heads for a minute that nobody at Connex or Killen was at fault. But this merger is so balance-positive for American consumers that ultimately Justice wants it. Federal Courts wants it. Everybody wants it. Our real client, is, after all, us, the American people and we are increasing American access to oil in Kahazakstan. So all they ask is that we give them a little something meaningful - which we did - and they got out of our way.
Unfortunately, yes. And the best option seemed to be a secret deal for a excess Iranian pipeline capacity that I uncovered during the diligence. A little side deal benefiting the lead lawyer involved in the Connex-Killen merger approval process.
And it is illegal to offer gifts, money, the promise of money or anything of value to influence foreign officials.
Come on, man. Leave the beer.
Bryan Woodman Monologues
But what do you need a financial advisor for? Twenty years ago you had the highest Gross National Product in the world, now you're tied with Albania. Your second largest export is secondhand goods, closely followed by dates which you're losing five cents a pound on… You know what the business community thinks of you? They think that a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years, so, yes, on behalf of my firm I accept your money.
What are they thinking? They're thinking that it's running out. It's running out... and ninety percent of what's left is in the Middle East. This is a fight to the death.
Great. How much for my other kid?
Do you understand what that means, it's like someone put a giant ATM on our front lawn.
Beirut, it's great. It's like the Paris of the Middle East.
Bob Barnes Monologues
If anything happens to me or my family, an accident, an accusation, anything, then first your son will disappear, his body will never be found. Then your wife. Her body will never be found either. This is guaranteed. Then, whatever is the most dangerous thing you do in your life, it might be flying in a small plane, it might be walking to the bank, you will be killed. Do you understand what I'm saying? I want you to acknowledge that you do understand so that we're clear and there won't be any mistakes.
I want you to take him from his hotel, drug him, put him in the front of a car, and run a truck into it at 50 mph.
Innocent until investigated? That's nice. It's got a nice ring to it. Bet you've worn some miles on old sayings like that. Gives the listener the sense of the law being written as it's spoken.
I punched in "Prince Nasir Al-Subaai" and my computer gets seized. Where'd that job come from? Where did the Nasir job come from?
Why am I being investigating? Why am I being investigating, Fred?
Intelligence work isn't training seminars and gold stars for attendance.
I think it's two people in a room and one of them's asking a favor that is a capital crime in every country on earth, a hanging crime.
Stan, I got a chance to go back to Beirut. I wanna go back. Is it safe for me?