Mike White

My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure that I've touched them.

Yes! But, you can't just say it, man. You've gotta feel it in your blood and guts! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at the man! And right now, I'm the man. That's right, I'm the man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?

God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen.

Hey, you've got some everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right?

She's a big lady. But when she sings, she blows people's minds. Everyone wants to party with Aretha! And, you know who else has a weight issue?

Me. But when I get up there and start doing my thing, people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.

Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out here and show 'em what you got, what do you say?

I pledge allegiance... to the band... of Mr. Schneebly... and will not fight him... for creative control... and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.

Oh, I was this close to getting the Polish Philharmonic and I nailed the audish, but I didn't get it. Guess who did? Yo-Yo Ma's cousin. Little nepotis! Anyway, I just decided to give up and become a teacher, because those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach, teach gym.

It may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head, and your mind, and your brain, too.

Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is?

That's right. And six times a billion is?

Nailed it. And fifty-four is forty-five more than what is the answer, Marta?

No, it's eight.

...Yes, I was testing you... it's nine. And that's a magic number.

In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road. And the writing was written on the stone. In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no one seemed to understand. In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due! Well you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think you can kick me out of the band? Well there's just one problem there. The band is mine! How can you kick me out of what is mine? Well you're not hardcore unless you live hardcore, but the legend of the rent was way hardcore!

You want me to teach you something? Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try. But in the end, you're just gonna lose, big time. Because the world is run by the Man.

The Man. Oh, you don't know the Man? He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, Miss Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man, it was called rock 'n roll. But guess what? Oh no. The Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool, or pure, or awesome, 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

Lead guitar... Zack Attack. On bass... Posh Spice. On keyboards, Mr. Cool. And on drums, Spazzy McGee. Okay, Blondie, Brace Face, you're singing backup. All right, Tough Guy, Shortstop, Fancy Pants, get over here. You're on security detail.

Of course, you can, Fancy Pants. Okay. Carrot Top, Roadrunner, Turkey Sub, we're gonna have a lot of equipment...

And you three… groupies… As for me, I will be singing lead vocal and shredding guitar.

Now you played hard in here, people, and I am proud of every last stinking one of you. So let's just give thing everything we got. We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with dignity! With a guitar in our hands, and rock in our hearts! And in the words of AC/DC: "We roll tonight, to the guitar bite, and for those about to rock, I salute you."

Now raise your goblet of rock. It's a toast to those who rock!

Look, the first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band you want to be. So who do you like? Blondie?

Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.

Wrong. Billy?

Hey! What's up? Is that a new song? Who's this guy?

Good, because I need the money. Now, listen. If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta actually start playing some music.

Your lyrics, now, don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame. But I've been sitting on some awesome material, so...

Okay, you're gonna kick me out of the band? You're gonna fire me? Well, this is my band. I brought us together.

Read between the lines, Theo. Read between the lines!

You guys, you know what? You're nuts. You're all nuts. You've been focused so hard on making it, you forgot about one little thing. It's called the music. And I don't even care. You know what? So what? I don't wanna hang out with a bunch of wannabe corporate sellouts. I'm gonna form my own band and we are gonna start a revolution, okay? And you're gonna be a funny little fotenote on my epic ass. I feel sorry for you guys.

Come on come on come on / Touch me babe, bada bada, can't you see / that I am not afraid, shaga tada! / Lawrence is good at piano / He shall be rocking in my show, shaga tada!

Come on, man! One show, $20,000 prize, we split it 60-40, grab your bass and come back to the garage, brother! I mean, don't you miss rocking out?

All right, that's it. Stop, you guys, stop. Seriously, you guys. All right, take five. Take five. You wanna go? All right. That was a good class.

Dear Justine, because of you I will be quitting the Retail Rodeo. The last two days have been the most God awful of my life. I've not been able to get rid of you in my head. I've never wanted anything so bad and I have wanted many things. I'd given up long ago on being gotten by someone else, and then you came along. The idea that I could be gotten because of circumstantial never get got is the worst feeling I've ever felt and I have felt many bad feelings. I'm sorry I can never see you again, Justine. Forgive me for being so weak, but that is who I am. Goodbye. Holden Worther. If, for some reason, you could change your mind and wanna be with me body and soul, meet me after work. I will be waiting for you at 5pm outside Chunky Cheese. If you are not there at five you will never see me again in your lifetime.

After living in the dark for so long, a glimpse of the light can make you giddy. Strange thoughts come into your head and you better think'em. Has a special fate been calling you and you not listening? Is there a secret message right in front of you and you're not reading it? Is this your last, best chance? Are you gonna take it? Or are you going to the grave with unlived lives in your veins?

How it all came down to this, only the Devil knows. Retail Rodeo is at the corner on my left. The motel is down the road to my right. I close my eyes and try to peer into the future. On my left, I saw days upon days of lipstick and ticking clocks, dirty looks and quiet whisperings. And burning secrets that just won't ever die away. And on my right, what could I picture? The blue sky, the desert earth, stretching out into the eerie infinity. A beautiful never-ending nothing.

As a girl you see the world as a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such. But one day you look around and you see a prison and you're on death row. You wanna run or scream or cry but something's locking you up. Are the other folks cows chewing cud until the hour comes when their heads roll? Or are they just keeping quiet like you, planning their escape.

That day I read the story Holden had wrote for me. It was kinda different from the other ones but kinda the same. It was about a girl who was put upon, whose job is like a prison, and whose life has lost all meaning. Other people don't get her, especially her husband. One day she meets a boy who is also put upon and they fall in love. After spending their whole lives never getting got, with one look they get each other completely. In the end the girl and the boy run away together into the wilderness, never to be heard from again.

Holden gave me two of his stories to read. It was more like the story of what a story would be. It was about a boy who was put upon; whose mother is cold and selfish and whose father wanted him to play football. Other people didn't get him. Especiall girls. Soon enough the boy comes to believe that no one can ever really know him. He starts acting out, drinking and taking all kinds of drugs. At the end the boy kills himself by jumping over a bridge. The second story was pretty much the same as the first expect at the end the boy kills himself by drinking a bottle of bug poison.