Jez Butterworth

James 'Whitey' Bulger Monologues

What did you marinate this steak in? Because it's out of this world! You're killing me with it!

Oh, come on! You got to tell me that! What's the secret? Come on, you can do it, come on, that is one of the best goddamn steaks I have ever had in my entire life. What's the family secret recipe?

That's it?

I thought it was a family secret.

No, no. You said to me this is a family secret, and you gave it up to me, boom just like that. You spill the secret family recipe today, maybe you spill a little something about me tomorrow, hm?

You were just saying? "Just saying" gets people sent away. "Just saying" got me a nine-year stretch in Alcatraz, you understand? So, "just saying" can get you buried real quick.

Look at his face!

Take your shot, but make it your best. 'Cause I get up, I eat ya.

Morris… me and you gotta have a sit dowm about something… what the fuck did you marinate this steak in 'cause it's outta this world! You're killin' me with this.

I gotta knife here. Ah, c'mon, you can do it. What's the secret family recipe? C'mon, what's the secret?

No… no. You said this was a family secret and you gave it to me boom just like fuckin' that. You spill the secret family recipe today, maybe you fuckin' spill a lil' somethin' about me tomorrow. Am I right in assuming that?

Don't look to John... he can't fuckin help you.

Oh you were just sayin'? Just sayin' get people sent to Allenwood. Just sayin' got me a nine year stretch in Levinworth and Alcatraz, do you understand? So… just sayin' can get you buried real fuckin' quick.

Look at his fuckin' face! Hey! I'm just fuckin' with you. It's a fuckin' recipe! Couldn't give a shit! Tastes great, I'm fuckin' with you.

Just gettin' started.

...I need you to listen very carefully to what I am saying because there are lessons throughout your whole life. And you gotta learn from these things, right? Here's the deal. You did not get in trouble because you punched this sneaky brat in the face, not at all. You got in trouble because you punched this sneaky little brat in the face in front of other people.

No, that's absolutely what I should be tellin' him, babe. So the lesson you gotta learn is this, it's not what you do, it's when and where you do it. And who you do it to or with. Huh? You follow?

That's exactly right.

If nobody sees it, it didn't happen.

Hey, you know something?

For 15 straight minutes, I been watching you putting your big fat fuckin' fingers into your disgusting mouth, which is filled with God knows what kind of fuckin' bacteria, and then you take the same big fat fuckin' filthy fingers and you stuff 'em back into the bowl that is there for public consumption. Now what the fuck are you thinkin',John?

Just don't do it again.

Fuck you. You always have a choice. You just happened to make the wrong fucking one.

I gotta tell you something, Officer Flynn. It's a sad day when a native son takes up with his oppressor. There's a word for that back home, you know. Penalty's death.

The last thing I would do if I was planning to harm you was was to warn you in advance, you dumb fuck.

You better fuck yourself, Flynn.

Aw, Debbie, you're breaking my fuckin' heart.

You need to control. Because you know the game surprises you. And you bite your ass not know when, you know?

Lots of good your vest did you today, you fuckin' prick.

Joe Wilson Monologues

The responsibility of a country is not in the hands of a privileged few. We are strong, and we are free from tyranny as long as each one of us remembers his or her duty as a citizen. Whether it's to report a pothole at the top of your street or lies in a State of the Union address, speak out! Ask those questions. Demand that truth. Democracy is not a free ride, man. I'm here to tell you. But, this is where we live. And if we do our job, this is where our children will live. God bless America.

They'll bury us if we don't. Listen Valerie.

No, Valerie, Valerie, Valerie! Do I, does that make me right if I shout louder than you? If I shout louder than you am I right? If I'm the White House and I shout a million times louder than you, does that make me right? They lied Valerie, they lied. That's the truth.

Niger has two uranium mines in the Sahara desert. One's flooded. The other is run by COGEMA, a French subsidiary jointly controlled by the Japanese and Germans. Five hundred tons of yellowcake is not an off-the-books size transaction. It represents a 40 percent production increase in the nation's annual output of uranium. A sale that size would leave a huge paper trail. Any documentation would, by law, have to be signed by the Prime Minister, Foreign Minister, and the Minister of Mines. But say it was an off-the-books deal. How do you hide the transportation of 500 tons of anything, let alone lightly-refined uranium. You're talking 50 semi-tractor trucks on one road through villages where nothing passed for months except maybe one bush taxi. It would be the biggest event for months. To say they forgot is like kids forgetting Christmas.

When Benjamin Franklin left Independence Hall just after the second drafting, he was approached by a woman in the street. The woman said, "Mr. Franklin, what manner of government have you bequeathed us? And Franklin said, " A Republic madam. If you can keep it."

Absolutely not. I'd be terrified of exposing my children to what adds up to a clearinghouse for crap merchandise and disappointing rides.

Carroll Shelby Monologues

There's a point at 7,000 RPM... where everything fades. The machine becomes weightless. Just disappears. And all that's left is a body moving through space and time. 7,000 RPM. That's where you meet it. You feel it coming. It creeps up on you, close in your ear. Asks you a question. The only question that matters. Who are you?

We're lighter, we're faster, and if that don't work, we're nastier.

Well, sir… I was thinking about that very question as I sat out there in your lovely waiting room.

As I was sitting there… I watched that little red folder right there go through four pairs of hands… before it got to you. 'Course that doesn't include the 22 or so other Ford employees who probably poked at it before it made its way up to the 19th floor. All due respect, sir, you can't win a race by committee. You need one man in charge. Now, the good news, as I see it, is that even with all the extra weight, we still manage to put old Mr. Ferrari exactly where we want him.

Well... sure, we hadn't... We haven't worked out how to corner yet. Or stay cool. Or stay on the ground. And a lot of stuff broke. In fact, the only thing that didn't break was the brakes. Hell, right now, we don't even know if our paint job will last the whole 24 hours.

But our last lap… we clocked 218 miles an hour down the Mulsanne Straight. Now, in all his years of racing… old Enzo ain't never seen anything move that fast. And now he knows, without a doubt, we're faster than he is. Even with the wrong driver… and all the committees. And that's what he's thinking about while he's sitting in Modena, Italy, right now. That man is scared to death… that this year, you actually might be smart enough to start trusting me. So, yeah. I say you got Ferrari exactly where you want him. You're welcome.

When I was 10 years old, my Pops said, son it's a truly lucky man who knows what he wants to do in this world. 'Cause that man will never work a day in his life.

My name is Carroll Shelby and performance is my business.

Thank you. Well, if my daddy was here today, he'd tell me to sit on down and leave the yakking to the college boys so, like my cars, I'll make this fast. When I was 10 years old, Pops said to me, 'Son, it's a truly lucky man who knows what he wants to do in this world. 'Cause that man will never work a day in his life.' But there are a few, a precious few, and, hell, I don't know if they're lucky or not. But there are a few people who find something they have to do. Something obsesses 'em. Something that if they can't do it, it's gonna drive them clean out of their mind. I'm that guy. And I know one other man feels exactly the same. His name...

His name is Mr. Henry Ford.

And together, we're gonna build the fastest automobiles in the world.

And we're gonna make history too, at Le Mans.

My name is Carroll Shelby. I build race cars.

We have more monologues for You!