Henry Bean

Bennett Holiday Monologues

Provided the government approves the merger.

We're looking for the illusion of due diligence, Mr. Pope.

Lawyers are saying, "Hey if you can't trust a Big 5 accounting firm." And the accountants are saying, "Hey we aren't lawyers." Legal didn't understand. Accounting didn't understand. And nobody understood anything. The regulatory bodies had to scratch their heads for a minute that nobody at Connex or Killen was at fault. But this merger is so balance-positive for American consumers that ultimately Justice wants it. Federal Courts wants it. Everybody wants it. Our real client, is, after all, us, the American people and we are increasing American access to oil in Kahazakstan. So all they ask is that we give them a little something meaningful - which we did - and they got out of our way.

Unfortunately, yes. And the best option seemed to be a secret deal for a excess Iranian pipeline capacity that I uncovered during the diligence. A little side deal benefiting the lead lawyer involved in the Connex-Killen merger approval process.

And it is illegal to offer gifts, money, the promise of money or anything of value to influence foreign officials.

Come on, man. Leave the beer.

Daniel Balint Monologues

Let me put it this way: Who wants to destroy the Jews? Who wants to grind their bones into the dust? And who wants to see them rise again? Wealthier, more successful, powerful, cultured, more intelligent than ever? Then you know what we have to do? We have to love 'em. What? Did he say ''Love the Jews''? It's strange, I know. But with these people, nothing is simple. The Jew says all he wants is to be left alone to study his Torah… do a little business… fornicate with his oversexed wife,but it's not true. He wants to be hated. He longs for our scorn. He clings to it, as if it were the very core of his being. If Hitler had not existed, the Jews would've invented him. For without such hatred, the so-called Chosen People would vanish from the earth. And this reveals a terrible truth and the crux of our problem as Nazis. The worse the Jews are treated, the stronger they become. Egyptian slavery made them a nation. The pogroms hardened them. Auschwitz gave birth to the state of Israel. Suffering, it seems, is the very crucible of their genius. So, if the Jews are,as one of their own has said… a people who will not take ''yes'' for an answer… let us say ''yes'' to them. They thrive on opposition. Let us cease to oppose them. The only way to annihilate this insidious people once and for all… is to open our arms, invite them into our homes… and embrace them. Only then will they vanish into assimilation, normality and love. But we cannot pretend. The Jew is nothing if not clever. He will see through hypocrisy and condescension. To destroy him, we must love him sincerely. If the Jews are strengthened by hate, wouldn't this… destruction that you speak of, whether it's by love or any other means… wouldn't that make them more powerful than they are already? Yes. lnfinitely more. They would become as God. It's the Jews' destiny to be annihilated so they can be deified. Jesus understood this perfectly. And look what was accomplished there with the death of just one enlightened Jew. Imagine what would happen if we killed them all."

Billings, if Hitler didn't kill six million, why is he your hero?... Concentration camps all over Europe, and he only gets rid of a measly two hundred thousand... He's a putz.

We have nothing to learn from these people. They should learn from us.

The very word makes their skin crawl. They undermine traditional life, and they deracinate society. Just take a look at the greatest Jewish minds ever. Marx, Freud, Einstein. What have they given us? Communism, infantile sexuality, and the atom bomb.

You print that in the New York Times, Guy, and I'm gonna kill myself.

Let me put it this way. Do we hate them because they push their way in where they don't belong? Or do we hate them because they're clannish and keep to themselves? Because they're tight with money, or because they flash it around? Because they're Bolsheviks, or because they're capitalists? Because they have the highest IQs, or because they have the most active sex lives? Do you want to know the real reason we hate them? Because we hate them. Because they exist. Because it's an axiom of nature that just as man longs for woman, loves his children, and fears death, he hates Jews. There's no reason. If there were, some smartass kike would try to come up with an argument, try to prove us wrong. And of course that would only make us hate them more. In fact we have all the reasons we need in three simple letters: J-E-W. Jew.

You wanna know the real reason why we hate them? Because they exist. We have all the reasons we need in three simple letters. J-E-W… Jew! You say it a million times, it's the one word that never loses its meaning.

Just take a look at the last three most well-known Jews - Marx, Freud, and Einstein. What have they given us? Communism, infantile sexuality, and the atom bomb.

In the mere three centuries since these guys emerged from the ghettos of Europe, they've taken us from a world built on order and reason and hurled us into a chaos of class warfare, irrational urges and relativity, a world where the very existence of matter and meaning is in doubt.

Why? Because it is the deepest impulse of the Jewish soul to unravel the very fabric of life until nothing is left but thread, nothing but nothingness.

Nothingness without end.

Billings, if Hitler didn't kill six million, why in the hell is he your hero? He's got concentration camps all over Europe, and he only gets rid of a measly two hundred thousand? He's a fucking putz!

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