Derek Cianfrance

I'd promised I'd stay away from you, and I've stuck to my word. However hard that was for me. I'm gone now. Which is why you have this letter. And it brings me joy because it means that you came to find us. I never gave up hope that you would. Knowing you were safe and loved allowed us to live our lives away from you. I hope life has been kind to you. I hope that you can forgive me for keeping you. And for letting you go. Know that you have always been beloved. -addl lines

I can tell you lots about me. My mom taught me the piano.

Not that well. My brothers used to tease me awfully when I played. I lost both of them - in the War. Just must be so confusing for my parents. I mean, if a wife loses a husband she becomes a widow, but if a parent loses a child there's no special label for it. You're still a mother or father. Even if you no longer have a child. Sometimes I wonder, if I'm still technically a sister now when my brothers are gone.

So if I can't talk about the past, am I allowed to talk about the future?

Tom, when I first saw you, I felt like I knew you, and I couldn't stop seeing my life with you; and building a family together. One that isn't stuck in the pain of the past. It's very pretty. And so, if you're asking me if my proposition still stands... then my answer is yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes.

Wipe that fuckin' smirk of your face! You hear me? I want you to leave that fuckin' kid alone, alright? Look at me. Look at me! You wanted to come live with me right? You think this is easy for me? During this time, huh? I'm trying to make this work. I'm doing it for you. You can have anything you want, but I don't want you to touch that kid. You leave him alone. You under-fucking-stand me? Say yes!

When I was a kid I used to look at my dad dressed in judge's robes and I used to think that my father was a superhero. And I don't think I was far off. He had that quality that judges have, where they have tremendous compassion, but they're also ferocious at the same time. He wasn't afraid of making enemies. I think that's probably why he had so many friends.

When I was in law school, we used to always talk about justice. We'd have discussions about justice. But that's just what they were, discussions . I joined the police force because I wanted to work alongside the brave men and women who know that some problems can't be solved by talking. And no one wants to be in the situation that I found myself in a couple of weeks ago. I certainly wished it turned out differently. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I have a wish that sometimes it wasn't me who was called upon that house that day. But that's the job. And I can't think of another line of work I'd rather be in. Thank you.

I should have brought this to you sooner, I apologize. This is recovered from a house during a search…

This is our problem of the fucking police department and I'm bringing it to your attention, because that's what I should fucking do!

In my experience, the prettier a girl is, the more nuts she is, which makes you insane. You're probably nutty, coo-coo crazy. It's not your fault, you know? Just like, everybody treats you different, you know? Like, you make jokes and they're not funny, but people laugh anyway. That's gotta make you nuts.

I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married, we marry, like, one girl, 'cause we're resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think, "I'd be an idiot if I didn't marry this girl. She's so great." But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option or something. I know girls that get married. They're like, "Oh, he's got a good job." I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who's got a good job and is gonna stick around.

I don't know. I feel like I should just stop... You know, just stop thinking about it, but I can't. Maybe I've seen too many movies, you know, love at first sight. What do you think about love at first sight? You think you could love somebody by just looking at them? But the thing is, man, I felt like I knew her.

Look, I didn't want to be somebody's husband and I didn't want to be somebody's dad. That wasn't my... goal in life. For some guys it is - wasn't mine. But somehow, I've... it was what I wanted. I didn't know that and it's all I wanna do. I don't want to do anything else. That's all I want to do. I work so I can do that.

No, I understand you asking. Um, I don't really talk about her very often, to be honest. But you know. She just, uh, when I was ten. So you know, my father and her just decided that it wasn't, you know, gonna work out. And, uh, she, uh, she met somebody and I think that was that.

I got us a song. You know, like, our song that would be just for you and me. Because everybody's got songs, but they're lame and they all share them. You know? It's disgusting. Not us. We have our own song.