Alan Glynn

Carl Van Loon Monologues

That you would even think that would only show me how unprepared you are to be on your own. I mean, you do know you're a freak? Your deductive powers are a gift from God or chance or a straight shot of sperm or whatever or whoever wrote your life-script. A gift, not earned. You do not know what I know because you have not earned those powers. You're careless with those powers, you flaunt them, and you throw them around like a brat with his trust-fund. You haven't had to climb up all the greasy little rungs. You haven't been bored blind at the fundraisers. You haven't done the time and that first marriage to the girl with the right father. You think you can leap over all in a single bound. You haven't had to bribe or charm or threat your way to a seat at that table. You don't know how to assess your competition because you haven't competed. Don't make me your competition

Have you been talking to anyone?

I know you're not stupid, Eddie, but don't make the classic smart person's mistake, thinking no one's smarter than you.

You're not one of those kind of guys, are you Eddie? We lose you if there's a screen in the room?

And then we'll say, "Godspeed," and your candle will have shed a brief but lovely light.

You don't get sick. You're playing at this level, you get hit by a fucking car, you don't even die.

Eddie Morra Monologues

For a guy with a four digit IQ, I must have missed something. And I hadn't missed much... I'd come this close to having an impact on the world... And now the only thing I'd have an impact on... was the sidewalk.

No scenario? I see every scenario, I see fifty scenarios. That's what it does, Carl - it puts me fifty moves ahead of you.

What was this drug? I couldn't stay messy on it, I hadn't had a cigarette in six hours, hadn't eaten, so... abstemious and tidy? What was this? A drug for people who wanted to be more anal retentive?

I was blind, but now I see.

You know, you should really be glad about this, 'cause - you know, me working for you? - you'd end up as my bitch.

You see that guy? That was me not so long ago. What kind o' guy without a drug or alcohol problem looks this way? Only a writer.

I wasn't high, I wasn't wired, just clear. I knew what I needed to do, and how to do it.

A tablet a day and I was limitless.

... Well, sure, y-you get a short-term spike, but wouldn't that rapid expansion devalue the stock completely in two years?

Against aggressive overexpansion? There aren't because there are no safeguards in human nature. We're wired to overreach. Look at history, all the countries that have ever ruled the world: Portugal, with this big, massive navy - all they've got now are salt cod and cheap condoms.

And Brits? Now they're just sitting in their dank little island, fussing over their suits. No one's stopping and thinking, 'Hey, we're doing pretty well. We got France, we got Poland, we got a big Swiss bank account... You know what? Let's not invade Russia in the winter. Let's go home, let's pop a beer, and let's live off the interest.'

Okay, so what do we have here? Some unknown, untested, possibly dangerous drug scammed out of some unidentified lab somewhere, given to me by a highly unreliable guy I hadn't seen in years.

Information from the odd museum show, a half-read article, some PBS documentary... it was all bubbling up in my frontal lobes, mixing itself together into a sparkling cocktail of useful information... She didn't have a chance.

I see every everything, Carl. I'm fifty moves ahead of you and everybody else. What makes you think I don't have a guy with a bead on you right now? How do you know you're gonna be alive this time next year?

From now on, I'd happily be his errand boy, wash his windows, scrub his toilet - anything I could do to get my hands on that little clear pill that would bring back... Enhanced Eddie.

You don't like me and I don't blame you. You see a self-defeating, energy-sucking piece of shit who's sponging off your husband. You're wishing I'd blow my brains out, but my existence shouldn't make you this upset. What is it?

The next morning, I sent a little probe down into my brain... No surge of brilliance came up to greet me.

In short, I was back.

My brain was just pouring this stuff out. Everything I had ever read, heard, seen, was now organized and available. Here it is. Here you go.

Only problem... if I wasn't moving forward, I felt like I was going to explode.

I see everything, Carl. I'm 50 moves ahead of you and everybody else. What makes you think I don't have a guy with a bead on you right now? How do you know you're gonna be alive this time next year?

Something's pumping half-a-mass in there. The walls of your heart are dilated. You're aortic valve's steno, so you're gonna need to get that replaced. But you already knew that.

You know, you should really be glad about this, 'cause me working for you? You'd end up as my bitch.

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