Patrick Kenzie

I always believed it was the things you don't choose that makes you who you are. Your city, your neighborhood, your family. People here take pride in these things, like it was something they'd accomplished. The bodies around their souls, the cities wrapped around those. I lived on this block my whole life; most of these people have. When your job is to find people who are missing, it helps to know where they started. I find the people who started in the cracks and then fell through. This city can be hard. When I was young, I asked my priest how you could get to heaven and still protect yourself from all the evil in the world. He told me what God said to His children. "You are sheep among wolves. Be wise as serpents, yet innocent as doves."

Cheese, if you ever disrespect her again like that, I'm gonna pull your fuckin' card, okay? So you're saying you didn't do it, fine. We'll take your money, and we'll be on our way. When it turns out you're lying, I'm gonna spend every nickel of that money to fuck you up. I'm gonna bribe cops to go after you, I'm gonna pay guys to go after your weak fuckin' crew, and I'm gonna tell all the guys I know that you're a C.I. and a rat, and I know a lot of people. And after that, you're gonna wish you listened to me, 'cause your shitty pool hall crime syndicate headquarters is gonna get raided, and your doped-up bitches are gonna get sent back to Laos, and this fuckin' retard right here is gonna be testifying against you for a reduced sentence, while you're gettin' cornholed in your cell by a gang of crackers. 'Cause from what I've heard, the guys that get sent up Concord for killing kids, life's a motherfucker.

You know what? Maybe that'll happen. And if it does, I'll tell them I'm sorry and I'll live with it. But what's never gonna happen and what I'm not gonna do is have to apologize to a grown woman who comes to me and says: "I was kidnapped when I was a little girl, and my aunt hired you to find me. And you did, you found me with some strange family. But you broke your promise and you left me there. Why? Why didn't you bring me home? Because all the snacks and the outfits and the family trips don't matter. They stole me. It wasn't my family and you knew about it and you knew better and you did nothing". And maybe that grown woman will forgive me, but I'll never forgive myself.

He lied to me. Now I can't think of one reason big enough for him to lie about that's small enough not to matter.

And like that, she was gone. We gave our statements. Nick and Remy the same. All of us spared any blame for Amanda's death. Jack Doyle resigned on the condition that he and he alone be held accountable. He was granted the dignity of early retirement, but the humiliation of half a pension. It was an ignominious end to an illustrious career.

Fucking cops. This is just unbelievable. The whole force standing outside the house, guarding the sidewalk with their arms crossed. I mean, are the kidnappers coming back?

Look at this. Jesus. Fucking bloc party here. Four Cape Verdeans got killed here last year. No one gave a shit.

Well, he's been hired by a woman who's the victim of a crime, and by law he's entitled as her representative to be cooperated by the Boston Police Department. So he expects to be.

I couldn't stop running it over and over and over in my mind. The vague and distant suspicion that we never understood what happened that night; what our role was. Or maybe it was just like the hundreds of other children who disappear each year and never return. Amanda was even more haunting for never being found.