Joker

Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!

I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.

As though we were made for each other… Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.

Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.

The pen, is truly mightier than the sword!

Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

Bob, I want you to go down to the globe. Follow that reporter Knox. Take your camera. See what he knows about this Batman. And Bob...

Remember... you... are my number one... guy!

I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.

My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun.

I'm gonna need a minute or two alone, boys.

Your pals, uh, they're not bad people. Maybe we, uh, outta give them a couple of days to think it over.

And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!

So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.

You IDIOT! You made me. Remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.

Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." I mean, how childish can you get?

Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true under that fiend, Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge. Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a killer. I am an artist. And I love a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival! And I've got a surprise for Gotham City. At midnight, I will dump 20 million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me; I've got enough.

You heard it, folks. 20 million. And there will be entertainment. The big du karoo. With me in one corner and in the other corner, the man who has brought real terror to Gotham City, Batman. Can you hear me? Just the two of us; you and me. Mano e mano. I've taken off my makeup. Now... let's see if you can take off yours.

Miss me? Nice place you've got here. Lots of space. Uh, Vicki, we've really got to have a talk. I'm very upset. We were having dinner. I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman. And without so much as an apology, you ran off with that sideshow phony.

I was in the bath one day, when i realized why i was destined for greatness.

You will take pictures and record my work. You will join me in the avant-garde of the new aesthetic.

Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just… do things.

Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these… these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.

Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the… little emotions. In… you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

You wanna know how I got these scars? My father, was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me and says, "Why so serious?" Comes at me with the knife. "WHY SO SERIOUS?" He sticks the blade in my mouth… "Let's put a smile on that face." And…

I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan". But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!

Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!

Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.

I had a vision, of a world without Batman. The mob ground out a little profit and the police tried to shut them down, one block at a time. And it was so... boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes then I blow up a hospital.

Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now. But when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper. See, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these... these civilized people? They'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve.

Tonight you're all gonna be part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky high. Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die. Each of you has a remote… to blow up the other boat. At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it going to be: Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose… oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat might not be so noble.

Let's wind the clocks back a year: These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you, so what happened? Did your balls drop off? I know why you choose to have your "group therapy" sessions in broad daylight, I know why you're afraid to go out at night: The Batman. Batman has shown your true colors. Unfortunately, Dent, he's just the beginning.

The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. Y'know they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So when I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know I'm telling the truth. It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and, uh, look where that got you.