Jared Vennett

My quantitative. My math specialist. Look at him, you notice anything different about him? Look at his face.

Look at his eyes, I'll give you a hint, his name is Yang. He won a national math competition in China! HE DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH! Yeah I'm sure of the math.

Tell me the difference between stupid and illegal and I'll have my wife's brother arrested.

Let me put it this way: I'm standing in front of a burning house, and I'm offering you fire insurance on it.

When you come for the payday, I'm gonna rip your eyes out. I'm gonna make a fortune. The good news is Vinnie, you're not going to care cause you're gonna make so much money. That's what I get out of it. Wanna know what you get out of it? You get the ice cream, the hot fudge, the banana and the nuts. Right now I get the sprinkles, and ya - if this goes thru, I get the cherry. But you get the sundae Vinny. You get the sundae.

In the years that followed, hundreds of bankers and rating-agency executives went to jail. The SEC was completely overhauled, and Congress had no choice but to break up the big banks and regulate the mortgage and derivative industries. Just kidding! Banks took the money the American people gave them, and used it to pay themselves huge bonuses, and lobby the Congress to kill big reform. And then they blamed immigrants and poor people, and this time even teachers! And when all was said and done, only one single banker went to jail this poor schmuck!

Let's not talk about my margins by the way. Being nice and fat… That's a nice shirt, do they make it for men?

If the mortgage bonds were the match, then the CDOs were the kerosene soaked rags, then the synthetic CDO was the atomic bomb that the drunk President holding his finger over the button, it was at that moment in that dumb restaurant, with that stupid look on his face that Mark Baum realized the whole world economy might collapse.

Is this America's angriest hedge fund?

There's a nicer way to say that, Vinnie.

I'm not fucking you, Vinnie. I'm kissing you. I'm looking deep into your eyes as I make love to you, Vinnie. I'm handing you the deal of the century on a fucking platter. What do I get out of it? Easy. I've got a 20 million a month negative carry. I've got bosses trying to pull the plug because they think I'm out of my fucking mind. All right? We make this trade, those problems aren't so big anymore. And sure, swaps are a dark market, so I set the price. whatever price I want. And when you come for the payday, I'm gonna rip your eyes out, I'm gonna make a fortune. But the good news is, Vinnie, you're not gonna care because you're gonna make so much fucking money. That's what I get out of it. Want to know what you get out of it? You get the ice cream, the hot fudge, the banana, and the nuts. right now I get the sprinkles, and yeah, if this goes through, I get the cherry. But you get the sundae, Vinnie. You get the sundae.

I'm telling you, your bet is against dumb money. It's about time you find out just how dumb that money really is.

My quantitative! My math specialist, look at him! You notice anything different about him? Look at his face!

Look at his eyes! I'll give you a hint. His name's Yang! He won a national math competition in China! He doesn't even speak English! Yeah, I'm sure of the math.