Howard Ratner

Howard Ratner Monologues

Come on! KG. This is no different than that. This is me. All right? I'm not a fuckin' athlete, this is my fuckin' way. This is how I win. All right?

I know. I know. Jews and colon cancer. What *is* that? I thought we were the chosen people.

That's a million-dollar opal you're holding. Straight from the Ethiopian Jewish tribe. I mean this is old-school, Middle-earth shit.

Well look. Look at him tonight, without it. He didn't have it tonight, look how fuckin' bad he played. He s- - He wants to own it. So, I tell him come to the auction, fuckin' make a bid for it, like everyone else.

Well - you wanna win by one point or fuckin' thirty points, KG? Right? I see ya out there when the fuckin' stadium's all booin' ya! You're thirty up, you're still goin' full tilt!

Everything I do is not goin' right! Everything I do is not goin' right! I don't know what to do, I really don't.

They say you can see the whole universe in opals, that's how fuckin' old they are.

You see that other guy though, Phil? One'a your boys from Boston? You had some boys in Boston? You'll see what I'm talkin' - hang on! This fucker? Is that one'a your boys, that fat fuck? Looks like you. Looks like one'a your boys.

You send me somethin' like that and then you don't pick up your phone? Are you - you fuckin' with me? I'm tryin' to have a nice peaceful dinner - With my family, which is somethin' you wouldn't understand because you don't have one. You wanna play mind games with me? Huh? Well so whatever you meant by your little link, I meant when I said I want you out of my apartment tonight! And I want confirmation! By text, not a link. Via text, Howie I am gone! 10 p.m.! Don't you fucking call me!

Arno. Listen. No bullshit... Kevin Garnett is comin' to my office right now. With $175,000 cash. All right? You say I got till Monday? Today is still Monday, so. I don't know if you're hearin' this but Arno this is real. Kevin's really on the way. He was just at the bank. Come get your money, buddy. I need the Celtic ring back.

From stone to stone Garnett's a stone you know that. That's a million dollar opal you're holding straight from the Ethiopian Jewish tribe. I mean this old school Middle Earth shit.

Dinosaur's that right the motherfucking dinosaur's staring at this shit.That's the thing they say you can see the whole universe in opal that's how fucking old they are.

From stone to stone Garnett's a stone you know that. That's a million dollar opal you're holding straight from the Ethiopian Jewish tribe. I mean this is old school Middle Earth shit.

Dinosaur's that right the motherfucking dinosaur's staring at this shit.

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