H.I. McDunnough

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

She said her fiancé had run off with a student cosmetologist, who knew how to ply her feminine wiles.

That sumbitch. You tell him, I think he's a damn fool, Ed. You tell him I said so - H.I. McDonnough. If he wants to discuss it, he knows where to find me: in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men State Farm, Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona! I'LL BE WAITIN'! I'll be waitin'.

That night I had a dream. I dreamt I was as light as the ether- a floating spirit visiting things to come. The shades and shadows of the people in my life rassled their way their way into my slumber. I dreamed that Gale and Evelle had decided to return to prison. Probably that's just as well. I don't mean to sound superior, and they're a swell couple of guys, but maybe they weren't ready yet to come out into the world. And then I dreamed on, into the future, to a Christmas morn in the Arizona home where Nathan Junior was opening a present from a kindly couple who preferred to remain unknown. I saw Glen a few years later, still having no luck getting the cops to listen to his wild tales about me and Ed. Maybe he threw in one Polack joke too many. I don't know. And still I dreamed on, further into the future than I had ever dreamed before, watching Nathan Junior's progress from afar, taking pride in his accomplishments as if he were our own. Wondering if he ever thought of us and hoping that maybe we'd broadened his horizons a little even if he couldn't remember just how they got broadened. But still I hadn't dreamt nothing about me and Ed until the end. And this was cloudier cause it was years, years away. But I saw an old couple being visited by their children, and all their grandchildren too. The old couple weren't screwed up. And neither were their kids or their grandkids. And I don't know. You tell me. This whole dream, was it wishful thinking? Was I just fleeing reality like I know I'm liable to do? But me and Ed, we can be good too. And it seemed real. It seemed like us and it seemed like, well, our home. If not Arizona, then a land not too far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable and all children are happy and beloved. I don't know. Maybe it was Utah.

There's what's right and there's what's right and never the twain shall meet.

I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he's a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.

I think the wife and me are splitting up. Her point is that were both kind of selfish and unrealistic, so we're not really good for each other.

Sometimes it's a hard world for small things.

If it's all the same to you, Honey, I think I'll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas.

I guess that wouldn't be such a good idea.

That night, I had a dream. I drifted off thinking about happiness, birth and new life, But now I was haunted by a vision of... He was horrible. The lone biker of apocalypse. A man with all the powers of Hell at his command. He could turn turn the day into night and lay to waste everything in his path. He was especially hard on little things-the helpless and the gentle creatures. He left a scorched earth in his wake befouling even the sweet desert breeze that whipped across his brow. I didn't know where he came from or why. I didn't know if he was dream or vision. But I feared that I myself had unleashed him. For he was the fury that would be as soon as Florence Arizona found her little Nathan gone.

This here's the TV. Two hours a day, maximum, either... either educational or football, so's, y'know, you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

My dearest Edwina, Tonight, as you and Nathan slumber, my heart is filled with anguish. I hope that you will both understand and forgive me for what I have decided I must do. By the time you read this, I will be gone. I will never be the man that you want me to be, the husband and father that you and Nathan deserve. Maybe it's my upbringing. Maybe it's just that my genes got screwed up. I don't know. But the events of the last day have showed amply that I don't have the strength of character to raise up a family in a manner befitting a responsible adult. I say all this to my shame. I will love you always, truly and deeply. But I fear that if I stay, I would only bring bad trouble on the heads of you and Nathan Jr. I feel this thunder gathering even now. If I leave, hopefully, it will leave with me. I cannot tarry. Better I should go, send you money, and let you curse my name. Your loving - Herbert

Biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless.

Nathan Jr accepts me for what I am! And I think you better had, too! You know I'm okay, you're okay! That there's what it is!

I found myself driving past convenience stores... that weren't on the way home.

My name is H.I. McDonnaugh. Call me Hi.

I even caught myself drivin' by convenience stores... that weren't on the way home.

We figured there was too much happiness here for just the two of us, so we figured the next logical step was to have us a critter.

This is Gale and Evelle Snoats. As fine a pair as ever… broke and entered!