Greg Gaines

One last thing. Hot girls destroy your life. That's just a fact.

You know I'm terminally awkward and I have a face like a little groundhog. I just feel like, you know, for a kid like me in high school best case scenario, just survive. You know? Survive without creating any mortal enemies or hideously embarassing yourself forever.

Summer. What does that word even mean, right? More "summ." Winter, same deal. More "wint"?

So again, if this was a touching, romantic story we'd obviously fall in love and she'd say all the wise, beautiful things that can only be learned in life's twilight or whatever. And then she'd die in my arms. But again, that's not what happened. She just got quieter and unhappier.

The idea behind each one was we took a film that we like and made the title stupider. And then made a new film to reflect the new stupid title. It's a formula that only produces horrible films, but for some reason we kept using it.

So if this was a touching romantic story this is probably where a new feeling would wash over me and suddenly we would be furiously making out with the fire of a thousand suns. But this isn't a touching romantic story.

My mom is gonna turn my life into a living hell if I don't hang out with you. I can't overstate how annoying she's being about this. She's basically like the LeBron James of nagging. LeBron James plays basketball.

Look, I know you're really bracing for this sweet girl that you probably like a lot to die. Just please bear with me She doesn't. She gets better. I promise.

That was the last time I saw Rachel. She went into a coma shortly after that, and died about 10 hours later. I know I told you she doesn't die. And I'm sorry. Deep down… somehow, I didn't think she would. But she did.

I remember visiting Rachel too. Sometimes she talked, and sometimes she didn't want to. When she didn't want to I talked. Or we watched movies. Sometimes she laughed, sometimes she didn't.

So, we're pretty far into this stupid story now and you're probably saying to yourself, "Hey. I like this girl Rachel. And I'm gonna be pissed off if she dies at the end." Don't freak out. She survives. So, hopefully, that reassures you. Although actually, why would it?

This is the story of my senior year of high school and how it destroyed my life. All right, this is the story of my senior year and how me and Earl made a film so bad, it literally killed someone. Okay, maybe that's not what happened, but my friend Rachel did get cancer and me and Earl did make a film and none of our lives would ever be the same.