Elwood P. Dowd

Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.

Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella." Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey... and he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back; but that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us.

I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying, "Good evening, Mr. Dowd." Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit leaning up against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally I went over to chat with him. And he said to me... he said, "Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?" Well, of course, he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. Well, we talked like that for awhile and then I said to him, I said, "You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours." And, and right back at me he said, "What name do you like?" Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, "Harvey." And, uh, this is the interesting thing about the whole thing: He said, "What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey."

I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whomever I'm with.

Years ago, my mother used to say to me, she'd say "In this world, Elwood, you can be oh so so smart, or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart… I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

My sister did all that in one afternoon. That Veta certainly is a whirlwind, isn't she?

You see, science has overcome time and space. Well, Harvey has overcome not only time and space, but any objections.

Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole.

Ahhh, Miss Kelly. Miss Kelly, do you know, when you wear my flower you make it beautiful.

Wouldn't that get a little monotonous, just Akron, cold beer and 'poor, poor thing' for two weeks?

Well, Harvey can look at your clock… and stop it. And you can go anywhere you like, with anyone you like, and stay as long as you like, and when you get back… not one minute will have ticked by.

Here, let me give you one of my cards. Now if you should ever want to call me, call me at this number. Don't call me at that one, that's the old one.

So far, I haven't been able to think of any place I'd rather be. I always have a wonderful time - wherever I am, whomever I'm with. I'm having a fine time, right here.

"A diviner grace has never brightened this enchanting face." It's Ovid's fifth elegy. Ovid's always been my favorite poet. My dear, you'll never look lovelier.

I'd be glad to, Miss Kelly, but there's another very charming girl in here a minute ago and she asked me to wait. She said something about a bath. I-I-I don't like to disappoint her. She seemed to have her heart set on.

I plan to leave, you want me to stay. Oh, an element of conflict in any discussion is a very good thing. It shows everybody is taking part and nobody is left out. I like that.

You see, science has overcome time and space. Well, Harvey has overcome, not only time and space, but any objections.

I used to know a whole lot of dances. The-the-the-eh- the flea hop, and-and, what's the - eh - the black bottom, the variety drag. I don't, I don't know, I just don't seem to have any time any more. I have so many things to do.