Two Weeks Notice Monologues

A lawyer decides that she's used too much like a nanny by her boss, so she walks out on him.

Before you came into my life I could make all kinds of decisions, now I can't, I'm addicted, I have to know what you think!

What do you think?

Well that's just silly. Have you met everybody on the planet?

I'm now poor. When I say I'm poor, I mean we may have to share a helicopter with another family.

Yes, she is terrifying. I thought she was going to kill me and feed me to the poor.

I own the hotel, and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.

I need your advice on one last thing, then I promise you will never hear from me again. You see, I've just delivered the first speech I've written entirely by myself since we met, and I think I may have blown it. I want to ask your thoughts. Okay? Then I will read it to you. I'd like to welcome everyone on this special day. Island Towers will bring glamour and prestige to the neighborhood and become part of Brooklyn's renaissance. And I'm very pleased and proud to be here. Unfortunately, there is one fly in the ointment. You see, I gave my word to someone that we wouldn't knock down this building behind me. And normally, and those of you who know me or were married to me can attest to this, my word wouldn't mean very much. So why does it this time? Well, partly because this building is an architectural gem and deserves to be landmarked and partly because people really do need a place to do senior's water ballet and CPR. Preferably not together. But mainly because this person, despite being unusually stubborn and unwilling to compromise and a very poor dresser, is... she's rather like the building she loves so much. A little rough around the edges but, when you look closely, absolutely beautiful. And the only one of her kind. And even though I've said cruel things and driven her away, she's become the voice in my head. And I can't seem to drown her out. And I don't want to drown her out. So, we are going to keep the community center. Because I gave my word to her and because we gave our word to the community. And I didn't sleep with June. That's not in the speech, that's just me letting you know that important fact. What do you think?

You make Gandhi look like a used cars salesman.

That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you. Heard you had attitude. Said you weren't "Slurpee" material.

What do you think of this? Too ornate? Or do you think it's… beltacular.

Do you know that I've asked 30 people that question. You're the only one to come up with that answer. My God, you're good. I'm getting you a bigger office.