The Man from U.N.C.L.E. Monologues

In the early 1960s, CIA agent Napoleon Solo and KGB operative Illya Kuryakin participate in a joint mission against a mysterious criminal organization, which is working to proliferate nuclear weapons.

Not very good at this whole subtlety thing, are you?

Take another left through the window... after you.

Are they still following us?… Is there one of them?… Is he looking at us?… Does he have just one hand on the steering wheel?… When you hear something that sounds like a gunshot, drive.

I wonder if it was your father's shame that gave you such drive... Or was it your mother's reputation? I understand that she was extremely popular amongst your father's friends...

We're working with the Russians. It doesn't get any more Russian than the Red Peril here!

If I have 15 minutes, we'd drink tea, eat biscuits. I talk, you laugh, and we'd be on our way. Unfortunately, I don't. So, my operators, come with me now to a chic little hotel in West Berlin in less than an hour. Or, stay here and spend the night with the Russians, hang from a pipe having your toenails removed.

That warhead, although not nuclear, shouldn't have any trouble obliterating a medium-sized fishing boat. The aforementioned warhead launched… 45 seconds ago. Giving you about 30 seconds until impact.

It won't trigger a nuclear warhead, as that requires fission. So, if you do want to make good on your vow, I suggestion you abandon ship immediately.

How's that for entertainment?

Diadema, this is Napoleon Solo. Hello Victoria. I suspect that you're already listening, so I'll give you this message directly: earlier today, I killed your husband. I'd like to report that he died honorably, courageously, and selflessly... but he didn't. Instead it was a rather pitiful affair involving tears, begging, and offers to trade anything - and indeed anyone - so I would spare his life.