The Irishman Monologues

An illustration of Frank Sheeran's life, from W.W.II veteran to hit-man for the Bufalino crime family and his alleged assassination of his close friend Jimmy Hoffa.

What kind of man makes a call like that...

Nowadays, young people, they don't know who Jimmy Hoffa was. They don't have a clue. I mean, maybe they know that he disappeared or something, but that's about it. But back then, there wasn't nobody in this country who didn't know who Jimmy Hoffa was.

Whenever anybody says they're a little concerned, they're very concerned.

And when they say they're more than a little concerned, they're desperate.

When I was young, I thought house painters painted houses. What did I know? I was a working guy. A business agent for Teamster Local 107 out of South Philly.

One of a thousand working stiffs... until I wasn't no more. And then I started painting houses... myself.

I thought maybe he owned the gas station. 'Cause he owned something, you could tell. Yeah, it turns out he owned the whole road.

They talked about it all the time. She came from mob royalty, if you want to call it that. To them, it was like they came over on the... the Italian Mayflower.

Sometimes with something like this, you might want to go to the bathroom first. It gives you a chance to make sure no followed you in. It also gives you a chance to make sure nobody's in the bathroom you have to worry about. It also gives you a chance to go to the bathroom.

Three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.

Russell had a piece of everything. He had this store in Pittston called Penn Drape & Curtains. And he ran everything out of there. Who knew what it all was? I mean, I'm sure the man had partners. They always have partners. Nobody keeps all the money. But everybody listened to Russ. That I can tell you. You wanted to bribe a judge, you asked Russell. You didn't know how much to bribe him, Russell was gonna tell you. You wanna promote one of your guys, Russ would tell you you could or you could not. You wanna make somebody disappear, you gotta get Russell's permission. You know, no two ways about it. And when you did something for Russ, you did it yourself. Like Russ used to say...

You always charge a guy with a gun! With a knife, you run away.

If I said it once, I said it a thousand times, I don't care they're Irish. I don't care they're Catholic. If there's one person you can't trust in this life, it's millionaires' kids.

You don't keep a man waiting. The only time you do is when you want to say something. When you want to say fuck you.

I am sitting in a room... full of fuckin' idiots. You dumb motherfuckers! You know what you did? You take Johnny O'Rourke's kid and you put him on as general organizer, pay thirty-six fucking grand, at the same time... you let him sell insurance to his fucking father's...

To his fucking father's... to his fucking father's... LOCALS!

Damn it! How do you do that? How STUPID can you be? That fucking cocksucker Kennedy has got his nose up my ass everywhere I go! You don't know that they're hounding me? They're looking at everything I do, and you let this happen in public! You're giving it to him!

I'm going to jail. You understand? I'm going to prison... because of you. You dumb motherfuckers. This is what you wanted. You wanted to put me in jail. Tell me now so I can kill you... right here.

In a war, you go from point A to point B. Sometimes, you spill a little beer along the way. That philosophy make sense to you?

Uh... off hand, that particular amount of money I borrowed... I don't know at this particular moment. But the record of my loans, which I requested, I have, and out of all the moneys I loaned during this period of time I went into these ventures.

So What? That's what you want from a Number Two. You don't want somebody too smart. You want a nice guy. People like him, you know. Not dumb, but somebody you know you can have walking behind you without getting knifed.

Sat there every day with that whining cocksucker, from New Jersey, talking about his woes, his problems. And all I wanted to do was finish my ice cream in peace. This cocksucker shows up at a meeting fifteen minutes late. Wearing fucking shorts! Who wears shorts to a meeting?

Chuck. Listen to me. Never put a fish in your car. You never get the smell out. Unless you pack it tight. Remember that. It'll help you in life.