The Fisher King Monologues

A former radio DJ, suicidally despondent because of a terrible mistake he made, finds redemption in helping a deranged homeless man who was an unwitting victim of that mistake.

Did you ever hear the story of the Fisher King?

It begins with the King as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become King. Now while he's spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail, symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the Grail so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the Grail, and the Grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the King alone. And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn't see a King. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the King, "What ails you friend?" The King replied, "I'm thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat". So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the King. As the King began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the Holy Grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."

No, please stop. I'm in love with you. And not just from tonight. I've known you for a long time. I know that when you come out from work and fight your way out that door. You get pushed back in, and then you come back out. I walk with you to lunch. It's a good day, if you stop and get that romance novel at that store. I know on Wednesdays, you go to that dim sum parlor. And I know that you get a jawbreaker before you go back into work. And I know you hate your job and you don't have many friends. Sometimes you feel uncoordinated and you don't feel as wonderful as everybody else. Feeling as alone and separate as you feel you are… I love you. I love you! I think you're the greatest thing since spice racks. I'd be knocked out if I could just have that first kiss. And I won't be distant. I'll come back in the morning. I'll call you, if you let me. But I still don't drink coffee.

I am your man, then! Let's do it - right here! Let's go to that place of "splendor in the grass"! Behold my magic wand and free your golden orbs right now!

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, Say, have you met Lydia? Lydia The Tattooed Lady, When her muscles start relaxin', up the hill comes Michael Jackson…