Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny Monologues
To become the greatest band of all time, two slacker, wannabe-rockers set out on a quest to steal a legendary guitar pick that gives its holders incredible guitar skills, from a maximum security Rock and Roll museum.
JB Monologues
A long-ass fuckin' time ago in a town called Kickapoo / There lived a humble family religious through and through / But yea there was a black sheep and he knew just what to do / His name was young JB and he refused to step in line / A vision he did see of fucking rocking all the time / He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align...
So he bailed from fucking Kickapoo with hunger in his heart / And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art / But in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart / Rock! / Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock / Rah-ha-ha-ha-ha…
I told you, we're just two fuckin' business men on our way to see some shit in Sacramento!
What do you want, 'Non-Rocker'? This line is reserved for 'Rockers Only', so I can't really talk to you right now!
Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, you know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane! Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, more precious than a diamond on a platinum chain!
In Venice Beach, there was a man named Kage When he was buskin he was all the rage. He met Jables and he taught him well, all the techniques that were developed in hell. Cock pushups and the power slide, gig simulation now theres nowhere to hide. They formed a band they named Tenacious D, and then they got the Pick of Destiny.
Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child. You know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane! Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, our tasty grooves are better than a chicken chow mein!
Cause he who is sleazy, is easy to pleasy. And she who is juicy, must be loosy-goosey. And he who is groovy, will be in my movie, so come on!
The wizard and the demon had a battle royale, the demon almost killed him with an evil kapow, but then he broke his tooth and thus the demon said "OW"
Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, you know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane! Cause it's the Pick! Of Destiny child, you know our movie's better than Citizen Kane!
Cause he who's a geezer, must live in my freezer. And she who is starkey, is full of mularkey. And he who is groovy, must be in my movie, so come on! Oh! Cause if you're a diva, then go to Geneva. And if you're a crony, then suck on my bony. And if you are groovy, then get in my movie! It's called the Pick of Destiny! The Pick of Destiny.
