Shakedown Monologues

A legal attorney and renegade cop team up to stop a corrupt cop.

Yeah, and you're a fuckin' genius! Now listen up. This gun is clean, no serial number. So if I blow out what's left of your brain and chuck it in the East River, your case is closed. The people downtown are gonna file you under DSAF. "Did Society A Favor." Got it?

I know what you're thinkin'! I'm young and quick, and he's old and slow! What are you going to do, asshole?

Dumb fucking question.

I met the love of my life once. Only I killed her dog before I got a chance to tell her. Man, she was everything I ever wanted. I met her at Shakespeare in the park. Told her I was a lawyer - that line seemed to work for you. Rained like hell that day. I had an umbrella. We went back to her apartment, she went to the bathroom, I sat on the couch. She had this great big damn dog. Dog had a ball. I threw the ball, the dog brought it back. I threw it again, harder. I'll never forget the sound of that dog's paws on the newly waxed floor. How was I supposed to know she'd left the window open? The dog fell thirteen floors and landed on a parked car. I looked out the window, took one look, threw up, and left. Left. Without ever tellin' her she was the one.

You just don't get it. Don't fuck with these people.