Say Anything Monologues

A noble underachiever and a beautiful valedictorian fall in love the summer before she goes off to college.

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

She broke up with me. What do I do? Can she come back? How can I get her back? I can't - I can't get her to talk to me. It's all so fucked up. I feel like crying. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?

What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it.

"Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later."

How many of them really know what they want, though? I mean, a lot of them think they have to know, right? But inside they don't really know, so... I don't know ,but I know that I don't know.

Just knowing that a version like that exists, knowing that just for a minute she felt that and wrote "I can't help loving you". That has be a good thing.

One question: are you here 'cause you need someone, or 'cause you need me?… Forget it, I don't care.

Okay, how ya doing? I'm Lloyd, and we're gonna watch the movie "Cocoon." I've never actually seen it, but I heard it's very good, it makes you happy, thats a good thing. It's about a group of older people who go to outer space... hope I didnt give anything away there.

Except for one thing. I used to work at a smorgasbord and the old people would flock there and they love to eat. And they just jammed their mouths, you know, and they would just eat with their mouths open and, you know, it's just too much for me. I mean, you know, you get to be thinking about how short life is and how maybe everything has no meaning. Because, you wake up and you're frying burgers and you then you're like 60 and 70 and then, you know, you check out and, you know, what are you doing? And I just don't need to think about those kind of things. So, that - that's the reason I was - But, I'm not sure I'm right, about any of that.

I felt like I wanted to tell you something but I didn't put it in the letter. And, I didn't say it, but, I think I want to say it now. But I'm not sure if I should say it, you know. Because, people always say it but they don't mean it. But, I think that I mean it. So...

It's me. I'm cruising around. It's pretty late. You know, I haven't called you lately. I guess I didn't wanna be reminded of the Diane nightmare. By the way, I hardly remember her. I've wiped her from my mind. I don't remember when the time or place I knew her. This is it. The site of our controversial first date. I met her in a mall. I should've known our relationship was doomed. To our left, we have - the street where she broke up with me! And there's the path we took.

I think I know too many girls! You know, I should hang with more guys. I should be like one of those guys who hang at the AM-PM Gas 'n' Sip on Saturday. But, I don't know, do guys like that really know the answers?

Are you going to to go to that party at Vahlere's? Look, Diane, I'm sorry but I can't allow you to leave the country without going to Vahlere's graduation tonight. This gentleman is 22 and comes out of hiding once a year for this occasion and he dresses up as the Lakeside Rooster. And he makes this drink called the Purple Passion.