Punch-Drunk Love Monologues

Socially frustrated Barry Egan calls a phone-sex line to curb his loneliness. Little does he know it will land him in deep trouble and will jeopardize his burgeoning romance with the mysterious Lena.

I don't know if there is anything wrong because I don't know how other people are.

I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.

Lena. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I left you at the hospital. I called a phone-sex line... I called a phone-sex line before I met you, and four blond brothers came after me and they hurt you, and I'm sorry. Then I had to leave again because I wanted to make sure you never got hurt again. And I have a lot of puddings, and in six to eight weeks it can be redeemed. So if you could just give me that much time, I think I can get enough mileage to go with you wherever you go if you have to travel for your work. Because I don't ever want to be anywhere without you. So could you just let me redeem the mileage?

I didn't do anything. I'm a nice man. I mind my own business. So you tell me 'that's that' before I beat the hell from you. I have so much strength in me you have no idea. I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine. I would say 'that's that', Mattress Man.

Healthy Choice and American Airlines got together and put this promotion: If you buy any 10 Healthy Choice products, they will reward you with 500 frequent flier miles; with this special coupon, they'll up it to 1,000 miles. So, I think they are trying to push their teriyaki chicken which is $1.79, but I went to the supermarket and I looked around and I saw that they had pudding… for 25¢ a cup… comes in packages of four. But insanely… the barcodes… are on the individual cups! So, quarter a cup, say you bought $2.50 worth. That's worth 500… with the coupon it's 1,000 miles. It's a marketing mistake but I'm taking advantage of it. If you were to spend $3,000, that would get you a million frequent flier miles. You would never have to pay for a ticket the rest of your life.

Yes, this is Barry Egan, I am calling in regards of what took place the other night... I just wanted to tell everybody I know it was not fair what you did to me... and I am expecting my money back. I realize you have my home phone number... I'm away on vacation right now, if you guys wanna reach me... shortly I will be home and we can discuss how you can return my money. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that the Police can be contacted and I could do that... and I feel like it's warranted, so let's figure something out! Like I said, I'll be home shortly, give me a call. Ok, thank you.