Lady Bird Monologues

In 2002, an artistically inclined seventeen-year-old girl comes of age in Sacramento, California.

Hi Mom and Dad, it's me, Christine. It's the name you gave me. It's a good one. Dad, this is more for Mom. Hey, Mom, did you feel emotional the first time that you drove in Sacramento? I did and I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened. All those bends I've known my whole life, and stores, and the whole thing. But I wanted to tell you I love you. Thank you, I'm… thank you.

The only thing exciting about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.

Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong.

No. I'm just saying that, if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my period, it would be disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.

Listen, if your mother had had the abortion, we wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly!

People go by the names their parents give them, but they don't believe in God.

Different things can be sad... it's not all war!

I found when it happened that I really like dry humping more.

I hate California, I want to go to the east coast. I want to go where culture is like, New York, or Connecticut or New Hampshire.

If Danny and I get married and then his grandma died, I'd inherit the dream house.

Oh yeah, we'd have to kill them. And we'd have to kill his older brothers too.

Yeah, but also those East Coast liberal arts schools. Like Yale, but not Yale because I probably couldn't get in.

The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.

I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good at math. Even Miguel has a math degree.

Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that its morally wrong.