Find Me Guilty Monologues

In the late 1980s, a low level gangster named Jackie DiNorscio defends himself in court in what became the longest criminal trial in American judicial history.

Send me to jail. I'm not guilty, but I'm used to it.

I wanna apologize for my action in court before. I want you to understand... whatever I said, I meant no disrespect to you. I respect you more than any other judge I ever faced, and I faced a lot of them.

For me it's easy: I still got a long time on my old sentence. God knows I love you guys and wouldn't do nothin' to hurt yez.

When I got indicted on this - jeez, what is it, Ben, three years ago? - they offered me a deal. I said no, naturally. Then, while I'm out on bail on the RICO charge they pick me up again on the dope charge, the one I'm doing time on now. Now I'm not a jerk-off, I know what the hell they're doing: they're using the second case so they can pressure me on the first, right? So now I'm serving my thirty, this trial finally gets here… and they offer me ANOTHER deal. This time they've got shrimp cocktail, they got steaks, they got wines. I tell Mr. Kierney to go fuck yourself. Now, most of you gumps get to go home every night. You got hot meals waitin' for you. You got some warm pussy waitin' for you - that is, if your wife's out of town. Not me. I go back to the Manhattan correctional every day. The meals ain't that great. And my only pussy is my right hand. And I'm STILL saying Jackie Dee don't rat. Jackie Dee won't ever rat. I was raised with a different kind of loyalty, you know what I mean. I vote no.

If it talks like an asshole, and looks like an asshole, then chances are it *is* an asshole.

I'm not a gangster. I'm a gagster!

Carl… you took my brother to see my father. You knew he was a drunk when you left, and you still went and bought him more liquor, right?

But you're an FBI agent. You're an FBI agent smuggling liquor into a federal pen!

Jackie Dee don't rat. Jackie Dee won't ever rat. I was raised with a different kind of loyalty.

Jackie Dee don't rat!

... speakin' of which, how many times I gotta tell ya, if see me shot 20 times, or you come in the room, I got my head cut off - ya don't call the cops!

See, I-I'm not understanding this. You're saying from the back slappin' and the kissing, you knew that they were Italian?

What if I told you I went into a restaurant and there was nothing but Irish guys there? And you says, "How'd you know they were Irish?" And I says, "'Cause they were all drunk and vomiting all over the floor."

If it talks like an asshole, looks like an asshole, chances are it's an asshole.

That's what I got, Your Honor. I got contempt for this court. You should've stopped him before with all the Italian shit.

I mean, we're not talking about a made guy in the Lucchese family.

So my question is… how could you make a mistake like that? I mean, you're this educated guy, right? And a lot of us, most of us, didn't even get through high school, except maybe Carlo. So your testifying here can hurt us. Do you see what I'm saying?

What else was an honest mistake? You said earlier that it was a Lincoln. You said they spent nine hours. Could that be a Caddy? Could that be a Mercury? Could that be a Buick? You said they spent nine hours. Maybe they spent three. Maybe you don't know what the hell you're talking about, Mr. Petraki.

My marshals have been giving me a hard time for weeks now. Everybody gets to eat what they want, and not me. I gotta eat what they bring me. I ordered, uh… creamy peanut butter, and they brought me chunky.

Hey, those screws finally said I could eat here WITH YOU GUYS!