Easy Rider Monologues

Two bikers head from L.A. to New Orleans through the open country and desert lands, and along the way they meet a man who bridges a counter-culture gap of which they had been unaware.

Man, everybody got chicken, that's what happened. Hey, we can't even get into like, a second-rate hotel, I mean, a second-rate motel, you dig? They think we're gonna cut their throat or somethin'. They're scared, man.

Well, you know something, man, I think, you want to know what I think? I think this is a crackpot idea! That's what I think. How 'bout that? How 'bout a little of that? I think it's a crackpot idea! I mean, if they're so smart, why don't they just reveal themselves to us, huh, and get it over with?

Hey, man! We've done it! We've done it! We're rich, Wyatt. Yeah, man. Yeah. Say, we did it, man. We did it! We did it. We're rich, man! We're retirin' in Florida now, mister.

No, man, like hey, man. Wow. I was watching this object man, li-like the satellite that we saw the other night, right? And, like, it was going right across the sky, man, and then… I mean it just suddenly, uh, it just changed direction and went whizzin right off, man. It flashed…

Oh, yeah, man, like I'm stoned, you know, man. But, like, you know, I saw a satellite, man. And it was going across the sky and it flashed three times at me and zigzagged and whizzed off! Man, and I saw it!

Parading without a permit? You gotta be kidding! I mean, you know who this is, man? This is Captain America! I'm Billy! Hey, we're headliners, baby! We've played every fair in this part of the country, I mean, for top dollar, too!

I'm goin' down to Mardi Gras, I'm gonna git me a Mardi Gras Queen. Yeah, oh, man, wow, Mardi, that's gonna be the weirdest trip, you know. You know what we ought to do, man? First thing, man, go and get us a groovy dinner. Yeah, break out some of that cash, man.

Out here in the wilderness, fightin' Indians and Cowboys on every side. What's the matter? You zoned? What? You're really zoned, huh?

Hey, man, what are you doing? Come over here, I gotta talk to you man. Hey man, everything that we ever dreamed of is in that teardrop gas tank and you gotta stranger over there pourin' gasoline all over it. All he's got to do is turn and look over into it, man, and he can see that…

I'm getting a little smashed, man. A little smashed. It's hot in here, man. Chicks. Those chicks, man. Those chicks.

You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can't understand what's gone wrong with it.

They're not scared of you. They're scared of what you represent to 'em.

Oh, no. What you represent to them is freedom.

Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what's it's all about, all right. But talkin' about it and bein' it, that's two different thangs. I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they're gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.

No, it makes 'em dangerous. Buhhhh! Neh! Neh! Neh! Neh! Neh! Neh! Swamp!

They'll talk to ya and talk to ya and talk to ya about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.

I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace.

I think I'll order kidneys, 'cause I left mine out there on the road somewhere.

That was a - UFO beamin' back at ya. Me and Eric Heisman was down in Mexico two weeks ago, we seen 40 of 'em flyin' in formation. They - they -they've got bases all over the world now, you know. They've been comin' here ever since 1946, when the scientists first started bouncin' radar beams off of the moon. And they have been livin' and workin' among us, in vast quantities, ever since. The government knows all about 'em.

Well, you just seen one of 'em, didn't ye?

Well, they are people just like us. From within our own solar system. Except that their society is more highly evolved. I mean, they don't have no wars, they got no monetary system, they don't have any leaders; because, I mean, each man is a leader. I mean, each man - because of their technology, they are able to feed, clothe, house, and transport themselves equally and with no effort.

Why don't they reveal themselves to us - is because if they did, it would cause a general panic. Now, I mean, we still have leaders upon whom we rely for the release of this information. These leaders - have decided to repress this information because of the tremendous shock that it would cause to our antiquated systems. Now, the result of this has been that the Venutians have contacted people at all walks of life, all walks of life -

Yes! It would be a devastin' blow to our antiquated systems. So, now Venutians are mating with people in all walks of life in an advisory capacity. For once, man will have a god-like control over his own destiny. He will have a chance to transcend and to evolve with some equality for all.

The governor of Louisiana gave me this. Madame Tinkertoy's House of Blue Lights, corner of Bourbon and Toulouse, New Orleans, Louisiana. Now, this is supposed to be the finest whorehouse in the south. These ain't no pork chops! These are U.S. PRIME!

I know, what did I do now? Oh, what am I gonna do now? Oh, my head. Alright, now, George, what are you gonna do now? I mean, you promised these people, now. You promised these people and you promised these people.

I guess I really tied one on last night. I must have had a helluva good time. I wish I could remember it.

They got this here, see, scissor-happy, beautify America thing going on around here. They're tryin' to make everybody look like Yul Brynner. They use rusty razor blades on the last two long hairs that they brought in here and I wasn't here to protect 'em. See, I'm a - I'm a law-er. Done a lot of work for the ACLU.