Druk Monologues

Four high-school teachers consume alcohol on a daily basis to see how it affects their social and professional lives.

Josse, there's an election with three candidates, so who do you vote for? No. 1: He is partially paralyzed from polio. He has hypertension. He's anemic and suffers from an array of serious illnesses. He lies if it suits his purpose and consults astrologists on his politics. He cheats on his wife, chain-smokes, and drinks too many martinis. No. 2: He's overweight, and he's already lost three elections. He suffers from depression and has had two heart attacks. He's impossible to work with and smokes cigars non-stop. And every night when he goes to bed, he drinks incredible amounts of champagne, cognac, port, whiskey, and adds two sleeping pills before dozing off. The last one, No. 3: He's a highly decorated war hero. He treats women with respect. He loves animals, never smokes, and only has a beer on rare occasions. Josse, who do you vote for? Josse: The last one. Martin: The last one, No. 3? And the rest of you? Students: Yes, No. 3. Martin: Oh boy! You just discarded Franklin D. Roosevelt... Winston L. Churchill... and thankfully you elected this guy.

Students: Hitler? Martin: Focus! It's funny, but there's a point to this, which is important and which I hope you'll understand someday: the world is never as you expect.

So, when you run around totally wasted, throwing up in bushes and alleys, don't feel alone, because you're in great company.

No I'm not indifferent. It's not easy to learn when you've got your head stuck in your phone.

They add time, got it. Okay, show of hands. How many of you take part in the Lake Race? Everyone. I swear, no one could tell. This is interesting because we're talking about Churchill and besides writing 37 books in 58 volumes, painting over 500 paintings, receiving the Nobel Prize in literature, and winning WW2 as one of the world's greatest commanders, he also said: 'I never drink before breakfast.' So, when you run around totally wasted, throwing up in bushes and alleys, don't feel alone, because you're in great company. Grant, Hemingway and old Winston could kick your ass in the Lake Race. But the question is: If you're to take a history exam, which one of you ambitious youngsters will flunk big time, and who will pass? In other words, who will do as Hemingway and blow his brains out, and who will win a world war?

And for those of you who've been asleep for the past 18 years, this is: General Grant, Ernest Hemingway and good old Winston Churchill. What do you have in common with them? You drink like pigs. Every week, all year round. A lot of alcohol, so let me ask you a few questions. Jason, you're a feisty one. How much do you drink in a week?

You can tell me, I won't tell anyone. National Board of Health recommends max. 14 units for men and 7 for women. Jason, Jason, Jason, do you drink more or less than recommended?

It's the little things that make all the difference.