Can’t Buy Me Love Monologues

An outcast secretly pays the most popular girl in school one thousand dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend for a month.

Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.

I need to talk to you. Every time I call you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way.

You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into!

You broke your arm once before, remember? You fell out of our tree house. Kenneth picked you up and we carried you 12 blocks to the hospital.

We were all friends then, remember? And now you want to end his life because he's talking to Patty on your side of the cafeteria. Oh man, that's stupid. I know cuz that's where I wanted to be. On your side, with your crowd. But I messed up. See, I tried to buy my way in. But Kenneth, he's not trying to buy anybody. He's just trying to make friends *being* *himself*. Cools, Nerds, your side, my side, man it's all bullshit. It's just tough enough to be yourself.

"Someday my wish is for him to hold me in his arms, in a sea of deep blue, together at last, together as two", ohhh that's beautiful, I didn't know you were a poet.

Oh! You-- You demolished me New Year's Eve. But see-- I realize you did me a favor. You brought me back to reality. All I ever wanted to do was get close to you. And then, when I finally got there, it wasn't me anymore.

You ignored the Donald Miller geek for seventeen years, now you want to ride the Ronnie Miller express!