Bad Boys II Monologues

Two loose-cannon narcotics cops investigate the flow of Ecstasy into Florida from a Cuban drug cartel.

We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life.

Now *that's* how you supposed to shoot! From now on, that's how you shoot! Oh man, I want my next partner to shoot like that. WOOOOO... it takes a dysfunctional motherfucker to bust somebody in the head like that. That's some dysfunctional shit! My next partner's gonna invite me to his barbeques and shit, though.

Hey, it got rough. We got caught up in the moment, shit got crazy. You know how I get.

Okay, look, we're a partnership, but we're a partnership with boundaries. We got a new rule. From now on, you can't say the word "flaccid" to me. This is our little "boundary box." We're gonna take the word "flaccid" and put it in there with my mom's titties, and your erection problem, and we gonna close this box and we gonna throw this bitch in the ocean. And the only way that you can get to this box is you gotta be motherfuckin' Jacques Cousteau.

You know, Dan Marino should definitely buy this car. Well, not this one, 'cause I'm gonna fuck this one up. But he should definitely get one like it.

Change the station. More music, less Marcus. If you open the door, he'll be a black Dr. Phil for the next 40 minutes.

It ain't exactly a pool, man. It's like a big-ass puddle wrapped in blue plastic.

It's a donut. It's a medical thing. I got it from a maternity store. You know, a lot of pregnant women use it. They can put one cheek here and take the pressure off the other. For you, dawg.

A bullet in the head will really mess up your extensions!

We got a tip that the Zopehounders were gonna do a hit on cash or drugs from this big time X-man.

Hey, Marcus, you know how when we usually get in these situations, you know I'm always trying to make you feel better, like we're gonna be all right, like we're gonna make it?

Look, I'm down with your spiritual enlightenment and all that, but I need to know right now some crackhead come rollin' up behind me with a nine you gonna cook that fool.

Calm down? I'm calm! I'm calm... Whoaa! Whoa! I am way too unstable for that bullshit! Stop all the goddamn movement! Everybody stop moving!

Just 'cause you got that gun to my partner's head, you're thinking I ain't gonna splatter your shit all over this swamp, huh?

See, that's that new spiritual shit my partner's on. Me? I actually prefer shooting motherfuckers.

Look, why don't we all go home... well we'll go home, you go to a hotel, and we'll work this shit out another day cause none of us is really having a good day right now.

Remember when I went to New York? And I said, "Syd". I ran into Syd. I mean, Syd ran into me. In New York on the street. And I said, "wassup?" and we was hungry. So then she had fish. It was grouper. Then I had some chicken. I was supposed to come home, but I didn't.

I just got outta jail and I ain't going back! I ain't going back!