August: Osage County Monologues

A look at the lives of the strong-willed women of the Weston family, whose paths have diverged until a family crisis brings them back to the Oklahoma house they grew up in, and to the dysfunctional woman who raised them.

The only woman pretty enough not to wear makeup was Elizabeth Taylor, and she wore a ton.

I thought we were having a funeral dinner not a cockfight.

Karen! Shame on you! Don't you know you're not supposed to say "Cowboys and Indians"? You played "Cowboys and Native Americans". Right, Barb?

Truth is you just can't compete with a younger woman. It's just one of those unfair things in life. Is there a younger woman involved?

You see these babies? These are my best fuckin' friends and they never let me down. You try to take them away from me, I'll eat ya alive!

That man! What I first fell in love with was his mystery. I thought it was sexy as hell! You knew he was the smartest one in the room, then he'd just say something and knock you out. He'd just stand there with a little smile on his face and not say a word. Sexy!

I ever tell you the story of Raymond Qualls? Not much story to it. Boy I had a crush on when I was thirteen or so. Rough-looking boy, beat-up Levis, messy hair. Terrible underbite. But he had these beautiful cowboy boots, shiny chocolate leather. He was so proud of those boots, you could tell, way he'd strut around, all arms and elbows, puffed up and cocksure. I decided I needed to get a girly pair of those same boots and I convinced myself he'd ask me to go steady. He'd see me in those boots and say "Now there's the gal for me." Found the boots in a window downtown and just went crazy: praying for those boots, rehearsing the conversation I'd have with Raymond when he saw me in my boots. Must've asked my momma a hundred times if I could get those boots. "What do you want for Christmas, Vi?" "Momma, I'll give all of it up just for those boots." Bargaining, you know? She started dropping hints about a package under the tree she had wrapped up, about the size of a boot box, nice wrapping paper. "Now, Vi, don't you cheat and look in there before Christmas morning." Little smile on her face. Christmas morning, I was up like a shot, boy, under the tree, tearing open that box. There was a pair of boots, all right... men's work boots, holes in the toes, chewed up laces, caked in mud and dog shit. Lord, my momma laughed for days.

Why don't you go fuck a fuckin' sow's ass?

I dont need your help. I have got myself... I know how this goes. Once all the talking is threw, people just go back to their own nonsenses. I know that so, dont worry about me. I will manage.

I'm a drug addict. I love drug.

I'm so glad one of my girls stayed close to home. In my day, family stuck together.

Every woman needs makeup. Don't let anyone tell you any different.