I don’t know what you’re referring to, but maybe if certain older, wiser people hadn’t acted like such little babies and gotten so mushy, then everything would be OK.
And I think certain older people, like you and your colleague, shouldn’t be leching after their students, especially when some of them can’t even get their own wives pregnant. And they certainly shouldn’t be making slanderous accusations, especially when certain young, naive people’s mothers are paralegal secretaries at the city’s biggest law firm, and have won many successful law suits. And if you want to keep questioning me like this, I won’t continue without my attorney present.
Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with you and ask for things, but now I really must insist that you help me win the election tomorrow because I deserve it and Paul Metzler doesn’t, as you well know. I realize that it was your divine hand that disqualified Tammy Metzler and now I’m asking that you go that one last mile and make sure to put me in office where I belong so that I may carry out your will on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.
Yeah, but you know, Coca-Cola is by far the world’s number one soft drink and they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that’s how come they stay number one.
You might think it upset me that Paul Metzler had decided to run against me, but nothing could be further from the truth. He was no competition for me, it was like apples and oranges. I had to work a little harder, that’s all. You see, I believe in the voters. They understand that elections aren’t just popularity contests. They know this country was built by people just like me who work very hard and don’t have everything handed to them on a silver spoon. Not like some rich kids who everybody likes because their fathers own Metzler Cement and give them trucks on their 16th birthday and throw them big parties all the time. No, they don’t ever have to work for anything. They think they can just, all of a sudden, one day out of the blue, waltz right in with no qualifications whatsoever and try to take away what other people have worked for VERY, VERY hard for their entire lives! No, didn’t bother me at all!
Some people say I’m an overachiever, but I think they’re just jealous.
None of this would have happened if Mr. McAllister hadn’t meddled the way he did. He should have just accepted things as they are instead of trying to interfere with destiny. You see, you can’t interfere with destiny, that’s why it’s destiny. And if you try to interfere, the same thing’s just going to happen anyway, and you’ll just suffer.
One thing that’s important to know about me is that I’m an only child, so my mom is really devoted to me. And I love her so much. She wants me to do all the things that she wanted to do in life but couldn’t.
When I win the Presidency, we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together… Lots and lots and lots of time. President and advisor. Harmonious and productive. Close and special. You and I.
Act surprised. Walk slowly to the podium. Be modest. Thank them for this incredible honour.
Now that I have more life experience, I feel sorry for Mr. McAllister. I mean, anyone who’s stuck in the same little room, wearing the same stupid clothes, saying the exact same things year after year for his whole life, while his students go on to good colleges, move to big cities and do great things and make loads of money… He’s got to be at least a little jealous. It’s like my mom says, the weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong.
Poet Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better.” With this election, we here at Carver also have an opportunity to make our high school days better. During this campaign, I’ve spoken with many of you about your many concerns. I spoke with Eliza Ramirez, a freshman, who says she feels alienated from her own homeroom. I spoke with sophomore Reggie Banks, who said his mother works in the cafeteria and can’t afford to buy him enough spiral notebooks for his classes.
