She’s got my grandmother’s Holocaust ring!
What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don’t you worry your pretty striped head, we’re gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we’re gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we’re gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he’s been murdered by crystal meth tweakers,
well then we’re shit out of luck.
‘Cause my best friend was getting married, and that’s what guys do.
Really? Well, then why did I do it? Huh? ‘Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why’d I do it? You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I’m sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do.
Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain’t workin’ for me!
Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!
Oh! You’re right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender.
ou’re a – You…
You’re… such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!
We uh, stole it from these dumbass cops.
We’re going to be okay. Everything’s going to be ok, alright?
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
We’re in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?
Here’s something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Phil, we’re not even going to be in the room. It’s one night, we can share beds. It’s no big deal.
Why don’t we remember a God damn thing from last night?
So, uh, are you sure you’re qualified to be taking care of that baby?
You found a baby before? Where?
Phil, we’re not gonna leave a baby in the room, there’s a fucking tiger in the bathroom!
Don’t let the beard fool you. He’s a child!
I lost a tooth! I married a whore!
Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
Why are you peppering the steak? You don’t know if tigers like pepper.
You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.
Fuck those guys! You hear me? That was bullshit! I’m tellin’ everybody we stole a cop car! You can’t just do that! You can’t just tease people because you think it’s funny! That’s police brutality!
I’m getting a soda. You guys want anything?
That’s my grandma’s ring. She made it all the way through the holocaust with that thing. It’s legit.
They are mature, you just have to get to know them better…
