I’m steady, calm. I slept well, no bad dreams. I am active and engaged. I’m aware of my surroundings and those in my immediate sphere. I’m attentive. I am focused on the essentials, to the exclusion of all else. I’m unsure of the future but I’m not concerned. I will rely on those closest to me, and I will share their burdens, as they share mine. I will live and love.
So many times in my life I screwed up: I’ve talked when I should’ve listened, I’ve been harsh when I should’ve been tender.
He captured strange and distant worlds in greater detail than ever before. They were beautiful, magnificent… full of awe and wonder. But beneath their sublime surfaces… there was nothing. No love or hate. No light or dark. He could only see what was not there… and missed what was right in front of him.
I am focused only on the essential, to the exclusion of all else.I will make only pragmatic decisions. I will not allow myself to be distracted. I will not allow my mind to linger on that which is unimportant. I will not rely on anyone or anything. I will not be vulnerable to mistakes.
In the end, the son suffers the sins of the father.
All the hopes we ever had for space travel… covered up by drink stands and t-shirt vendors. Just a recreation of what we’re running from on Earth. We are world-eaters. If my dad could see this now… he’d tear it all down.
The zero G and the extended duration of the journey is affecting me both physically and mentally. I am alone. Something I always believed I preferred. I am alone. But I confess it’s wearing on me. I am alone. I am alone.
The attack it was full of rage. I understand that rage. I’ve seen that rage in my father and I’ve seen that rage in me. Because I’m angry that he took off. He left us. You know but when I look at that anger, if I push it aside and just put it away all I see is hurt. I just see pain. I think it keeps me walled off walled off from relationships and opening myself up and, you know, really caring for someone. And I don’t know how to get past that.I don’t know how to get around that. And it worries me. And I don’t wanna be that guy. I don’t wanna be my dad.
He captured strange and distant worlds in greater detail than ever before. They were beautiful, magnificent, full of awe and wonder. But beneath their sublime surfaces there was nothing. No love or hate. No light or dark. He could only see what was not there and missed what was right in front of him.
I see myself from the outside. Smile, present a side. It’s a performance with my eye on the exit. Always on the exit. Just don’t touch me.
I’ve been trained to compartmentalize. It seems to me that’s how I approach my life.
A self-destructive side. That’s what she used to say to me. I should feel something.
My destination. Seven weeks since Earth. Since air, since sun… trees and birds.
Captain, I have a small oxygen leak in my suit, I’m just gonna check my patch.
