Rodrigues Monologues

I pray but I am lost. Am I just praying to silence?

I worry, they value these poor signs of faith more than faith itself. But how can we deny them?

I feel so tempted. I feel so tempted to despair. I’m afraid. The weight of your silence is terrible. I pray, but I’m lost. Or am I just praying to nothing? Nothing. Because you are not there.

Surely God heard their prayers as they died. But did He hear their screams?

The blood of martyrs is the seed of the church.

Father, how could Jesus love a wretch like this? There is evil all around in this place. I sense its strength, even its beauty. But there is none of that in this man. He is not worthy to be called evil.

I thought that martyrdom would be my salvation. Please, please, God, do not let it be my shame. The Lord is my refuge, and my deliverer. My God is my helper, and in Him will I put my trust. Of the Blood, all price exceeding, shed by our immortal King, destined for the world’s redemption.

The black soil of Japan is filled with the wailing of so many Christians, the red blood of priests has flowed profusely, the walls of the church have fallen down.

…surely God heard their prayers as they died… but did he hear their screams?

These people are the most devoted of Gods creatures on Earth. Father Valignano, I confess I began to wonder – God sends us trials to test us and everything he does is good, and I prayed to undergo trials like his son – but why must their trials be so terrible, and why when I look in my own heart do the answers I give them seem so weak.

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