Robert Clayton Dean Monologues

What life? You live in a fucking jar so the world can’t touch you. And Rachel, you didn’t give a shit about Rachel. Just some package under seat number 32 to you.

I’m all you’ve got. And you’re all I’ve got.

Sure. Everything except forming a company called Zurich, or knowing anybody who is named Sam Velotti, or having any connection, whatsoever to the Peitzo family. This is Ridiculous.

Wait, wait. This is Pintero, he’s coming after me. You give me 1 week, 1 week and 4 people from litigation, and I can guarantee you, we can have this guy begging us…

I’ll tell you what. Rachael, was my girlfriend in my second year of law school, we still remain in close contact, and we swap information from time to time.

Ever beat off in the shower, Brian? Ever had any homosexual thoughts?

None of my fuckin’ business. You’re damn right it’s not. I love my wife and I love my son, absolutely, with no equivocations, and that’s none of your fuckin’ business either.

No I was picking something up for myself, I do a little cross dressing on the weekends. You know, you’d be surprised how a nice pair of edible panties can make a guy feel sexy.

Actually, I believe the term “shyster” is reserved for attorneys of the Jewish persuasion. I believe the proper term for me is “eggplant”.

You’re the only woman for me. You and Janet Jackson.

No, I don’t think so. This is my life, I worked hard for it and I want it back. I grew up without a father, I know what that is. And I will not allow my family to go through that.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Listen. Now, we can go get a warrant and come back with the FBI, take anything we want, arrest anybody that we want. Just give the man the video tape!

Honey, *I* found out like this. These are all lies, okay, none of this stuff is true.

Yes, we had lunch together, she is the contact for the investigator, Brill. You’re right about this, they got this from the security camera from the restaurant.

She’s not, I have to see her for business.

Carla, I am “smeared” all over the newspaper today for money-laundering schemes, mob ties, I lost my job. I am telling you, I am telling you is, trust me, on this Rachel Banks thing right now.

Carla, I’m telling you, this is all bullshit!

Carla, how can you expect me to do this when you believe in this bullshit?

Baby, I love you and only you. That is it… And I love your family… except for your dad.

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