Rev. Dr. T. Lawrence Shannon Monologues

Miss Fellowes is a highly moral person. If she ever recognized the truth about herself it would destroy her.

I just cut loose one of God’s creatures at the end of his rope.

So that one of God’s creatures could be free from panic, and scamper home safe and free. A little act of grace, Maxine.

I want to explain something to you… A man has got just so much in his emotional bank balance. Mine has run out. It’s stone dry. I can’t draw a check on it. There’s nothing left to draw out.

I thought you were sexless. But you’ve just become a woman. You know how I know that? Because you, not me, are taking pleasure in my being tied up. All women, whether they want to face it or not, want to see a man in a tied-up situation. They spend their lives trying to get a man into a tied-up situation. Their lives are fulfilled when they can get a man or as many men as they can, into a tied-up situation.

You better go now, Miss Fellowes, the party’s over. Right now I’m no longer in a position to discharge my responsibility of protecting you. A responsibility from which you discharged me. Just go, Miss Fellowes. Just go.

Nothing could be worse for a girl in your unstable condition, to be mixed up with a man in, in my unstable condition because two people in unstable conditons are like two countries facing each other in unstable conditons. The, eh, destructive potential, eh, could blow the whole world to bits!

Maxine, don’t rob me of the credit for my own small accomplishments.

You can’t go on all alone. Think of how it will feel after so many years.

There’s no need for the shawl. God has played God, and set him free.

The Fantastic Level and the Realistic Level are the two levels upon which we live.

It’s very serious. The child is emotionally precocious.

Also, she is traveling under the wing of a military escort of a butch vocal teacher.

And what do you respect in me, Miss Thin Standing-up Female Buddha?

I can get down the hill, Maxine, but I’m not too sure about getting back up.

I said to this girl, I said, “Let us, let us kneel down and pray together.” And we did. We knelt. And then all of the sudden the – kneeling position turned into a reclining position.

I wonder how long it takes to sweat the faculty of a Baptist Female College out of a bus that’s parked in the sun when it’s a 100 degrees in the shade.

You’re as dangerous as you are young and lovely. And it’s you’re being young and lovely that makes you so dangerous, that gives you this destructive potential over a destructible man.

I wonder as we examine our hearts together, in this place set aside for worship, how many of us here can say, “I rule my own spirit.” For, how weak is man? How often do we – how often – how often do we stray from the straight and narrow? For only when we abide in the Lord are we like cities without walls. Only then can we defend ourselves against Satan and his temptations. We cannot rule ourselves alone.

I will not and cannot continue to conduct services in praise and worship of this angry, petulant old man in whom you believe. You’ve turned your backs on the God of love and compassion and invented for yourselves this cruel, senile, delinquent who blames the world and all that he created for his own faults! Close your windows. Close your doors! Close your hearts – against the truth of our God!

No. Yes. No. No. It should be licensed. I mean, at least until you’re old enough for a – a driver’s license. Now, you get out of my room. Would you get off my bed! I-I’ll keep my eyes shut until you’ve gone out of my room.

Yes. No! I mean, yes. Yes. Lord, lead me not unto temptation. Now, go on home and find my way all by myself.

I thought Fred could tame them. He was a fisherman and I’ve got a busload of man-eating sharks.

Maxine, you got to help me with her, honey. She’s not only trying to get me fired, she’s also trying to pin on me a rape charge, a charge of statutory rape.

That’s when a man is seduced by a girl under 20.

All right. We’ll play God tonight, like kids play houses with old broken crates and boxes. We’ll cut the damn lizard loose so he can go back to his bushes, cause God won’t do it and we are playing God here tonight.

Men with men’s hearts. Wild and free hearts of men. They knew hunger and they fed their appetites. They fed their appetites! Appetites that I have inherited! I defy you! Shannon defies you! Get out your tomahawks! Get out your scalping knives! Sharpen your scalping knives. Scalp me!

The pain we cause him. We’ve poisoned his atmosphere. We’ve slaughtered his creatures of the wild. We’ve polluted his rivers. We’ve even taken God’s noblest creation, Man, and – and brainwashed him into becoming our own product, not God’s.

I think that’s the one with the leaky roof which you won’t find out about until it rains and then it’ll be too late to do anything about it except to swim out of it.

Iguanas – giant lizards native to this part of Mexico. It is alleged they taste like chicken.

We have more monologues for You!