Jack Baker Monologues

Listen to me, princess. We fucked twice. That’s it. Once the sweat dries, you still don’t know shit about me. Got it?

I didn’t know whores were so philosophical.

You let that guy turn us into clowns tonight. We were always small time, but we were never clowns.

Frank, if somebody requested “Chopsticks,” you’d ask for the sheet music.

Who I fuck and who I don’t fuck is none of your fucking business!

What’s happened to you? Have you been kissing ass so long, you’re starting to like it?

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to a very special lady with a very special way of singing a song. Miss Susie Diamond!

What do you want from me? You want me to tell you to stay, hmm? Is that what you’re looking for? You want me to get down on my knees and beg you to save the Baker Boys from doom? Forget it, sweetheart. We survived for 15 years before you strutted onto the scene. Fifteen years. Two seconds, you’re bawling like a baby. You shouldn’t be wearing a dress; you should be wearing a diaper.

Knock it off with that fucking thing… driving me nuts! Jack you want eggs, Jack you want coffee. You’re not my housekeeper, I’m not your fucking father. I can’t babysit you every time your mama gets an itch!

We have more monologues for You!