Hedra Carlson Monologues

‘I don’t want to try to be loved anymore. I don’t want to be scared anymore. Or to kill anymore. I don’t want to kill anymore. I… don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to be anything anymore. I don’t need a reason to kill myself. I need a reason not to. There isn’t one.’ You don’t want to say anything special to anyone? Okay, ‘Allison Jones.’

Wait till you see me. Your color was beautiful but I can’t go around looking like you anymore, can I? Okay now, Allie, don’t laugh.

Did you know that identical twins are never really identical. There’s always one who’s prettier. And the one who’s not does all the work. She used me, and… Then she left me. Just like you.

Come on. Take them. Come on, Allie, it’s nicer this way.

Mine always comes when I’m wearing something nice.

Well, he will cheat on you again. That’s a promise. And when he does, don’t come running to me, okay? Because I’ve had it with you. You’re so fucking weak!

Listen, you pathetic shit. You want to hold on to your business? No, you listen to me this time, asshole. If you trash me around town, you’re fucked. And your family is fucked too, you got that? It won’t just be you.

Hedra Carlson : [Hedy hangs up the phone with a big smile giving a bow to Allie]  Ta-da! Let me tell you he is pissing in his PJ’s right now.

Don’t make me come get you! Allie? Come out now. Come on. Allie. Allie!

Come on. Come out now! Allie, please!

I’m scared. Where are you?

We’re friends, Allie, and you could be in a lot of trouble without me. But I’m not going to leave you. That wouldn’t be right. I won’t leave you. Okay, let’s go.

I know. I was you. Who is this Hedy, anyway? No one’s seen her. She’s not on the lease. There’s not even a fingerprint of hers here. I’ve been cleaning like crazy. You have to come with me, Allie, or they’ll put you away.

That’s right. She told me. So, don’t try and make me think that we’re not close. We lean on each other, and we… We protect each other. We’re… We’re best friends.

How can you do that? Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. Do you understand that? The people you hated…

I hated. People like you don’t care.

Just like that stupid girl in Tampa. She called my parents, too. Told them all my secrets.

You want to put me away, huh? I can’t… I can’t keep making excuses for you, Allie. I can’t.

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t – Oh, God. Oh, God, oh…

Why are you hiding from me?

You think I can’t find you? Huh? Your goddamn shirt is sticking out of the door.

Look. You’re in a different league. I know that. You have this great personality. You’ve got this great style. You run your own business… You’re always going to find someone. You have to be stupid to think that you wouldn’t.

We have more monologues for You!