Gay Perry Monologues

My $2000 ceramic Vektor my mother got me as a special gift. You threw in the lake next to the car. What happens when they drag the lake? You think they’ll find my pistol. Jesus. Look up “idiot” in the dictionary. You know what you’ll find?

No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

Gloves. Do you have gloves? You have to move her. If it’s a frame-up, some asshole’s probably calling the cops on you right now. Do this: wrap up the body in a blanket, a sheet, anything.

You don’t get it, do you? This isn’t “good cop, bad cop.” This is fag and New Yorker. You’re in a lot of trouble.

Thanks for coming, please stay for the end credits, if you’re wondering who the best boy is, it’s somebody’s nephew, um, don’t forget to validate your parking, and to all you good people in the Midwest, sorry we said fuck so much.

I want you to picture a bullet in your head. Can you do that for me?

Harmony was right, her sister was murdered. You pulled the trigger. It just took this long for the bullet to hit.

She opens the door, and she got nothing on but the radio. Yeah, invites me to sit down, sits on my lap, fires up a spliff.

Because its only good for a couple shots, then you gotta drop it for something better. You asked, Chief.

Well, I was going to go to the zoo, but it was closed, so I thought I’d come here and look at an animal.

No. You buried her twenty years ago. Harmony was right, her sister was murdered. You pulled the trigger. It just took this long for the bullet to hit.

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