Edward Cole Monologues

Kopi Luwak is the world’s most expensive coffee. Though for some, it falls under the category of “too good to be true.” In the Sumatran village, where the beans are grown, lives a breed of wild tree cat. These cats eat the beans, digest them and then… defecate.

The villagers then collect and process the stools. It is the combination of the beans and the gastric juices of the tree cat that give Kopi Luwac…

…its unique flavor… and aroma. You’re shitting me!

We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.

The simplest thing is… I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing… When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn’t sound selfish of me but… the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life… And he knew it before I did.

Good afternoon. My name is Edward Cole. I don’t know what most people say at these occasions because in all honesty, I’ve tried to avoid them. The simplest thing is I loved him and I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together, which is amazing when you think that only three months ago we were complete strangers. I hope that it doesn’t sound selfish of me, but the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life, and he knew it before I did. I’m deeply proud that this man found it worth his while to know me. In the end, I think it’s safe to say that we brought some joy to one another’s lives, so one day, when I go to some final resting place, if I happen to wake up next to a certain wall with a gate, I hope that Carter’s there to vouch for me and show me the ropes on the other side.

What do you think happens now? I go back and sit around listening to people talking about mezzanine financing and subordinated debt pretending that I care about dead money. You go home to some ceremonial procession into death with everyone standing around watching you die while you try to comfort them.

I build a billion dollar business up from *nothing*! Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty, and I’m supposed to make out like what? This trip was supposed to mean something to me? Like it was gonna change *me*? How did you see it playing out Carter, I knock on the door, she answers, she’s surprised and angry, but I tell her how much I love her and miss her, and oh, by the way, I’m gonna be dead soon so I’m reaching out to you because I don’t wanna die alone?

First time he hit her, she came to me. I wanted to bash his brains in. She wouldn’t let me. Said she loved him, said it wasn’t his fault, he’d had a few drinks… she was the one who picked the fight. Next time it happened, she didn’t come to me. The ex told me. Nice to hear her voice again.

What any father would do. I took care of it. I called a guy who called a guy who handles these kinds of things. I don’t know what he said, don’t know what he did… All I know is he didn’t kill him. And my daughter never heard from him again.

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