Drew Baylor Monologues

No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: ‘Those who risk, win.’ A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on it’s quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also… life

As somebody once said, there’s a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is simply the non-present of success. Any fool can accomplish failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others, that makes other people feel moreā€¦ alive. Because it didn’t happen to them.

In that moment, I knew success, not greatness, was the only god the world served.

Because we have a moment here, let me tell you that I have recently become a secret connoisseur of ‘last looks’. You know the way people look at you when they believe it’s for the last time? I’ve started collecting these looks.

You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life that things maybe really are black and white! And this guy Ben, who clearly takes you for granted, who serially takes advantage of you, is bad! And what I’m saying is good! See what I mean? You shouldn’t be the substitute for anybody. This guy should be right here, right now, doing this

And don’t worry. Because as great as you look tonight, you are safe with me.

I’ve just recently decided that the things we know aren’t black and white.

By the way, I didn’t say ‘million,’ I said ‘billion.’ A billion dollars; that’s a lot of million.

And they all know me, and I don’t know any of them. And I’ve never seen a dead body before.

You’re smart, you’ll just wear your shoes and never ask any questions. Just enjoy your footwear.

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