Donnie Darko Monologues

Well, life isn’t that simple. I mean, who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love.

Okay. But you’re not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here, like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can’t just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.

First of all, Papa Smurf didn’t create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel’s evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario – It just couldn’t happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don’t even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That’s what’s so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What’s the point of living… if you don’t have a dick?

Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I’d like to believe I’m not, but I just… I’ve just never seen any proof, so I… I just don’t debate it anymore, you know? It’s like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons. And in the end, I still wouldn’t have any proof. So I just… I just don’t debate it anymore. It’s absurd.

Of course. The rabbit’s not like us. It has no history books, no photographs, no knowledge of sorrow or regret. I mean, I’m sorry, Miss Pommeroy. Don’t get me wrong. You know, I like rabbits and all. They’re cute and they’re horny. And if you’re cute and you’re horny, then you’re probably happy that you don’t know who you are or why you’re even alive. You just wanna have sex as many times as possible before you die. I just don’t see the point in crying over a dead rabbit, you know, who never even feared death to begin with.

Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I’m afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I’m afraid that you’ll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.

“‘A storm is coming,’ Frank says. ‘A storm that will swallow the children. And I will deliver them from the kingdom of Bane. I’ll deliver the children back to their doorsteps. I’ll send the monsters back to the underground. I’ll send them back to a place where no one else can see them except for me, ’cause I am Donnie Darko.'”

Well, they say it right when they flood the house, and they tear it to shreds that, like, uh, destruction is a form of creation. So the fact that they burn the money is ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things.

I was in jail once. I mean I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned, but still, I got held back in school and I can’t drive until I’m 21. But I’m over all of that. I… I… I’m painting and stuff. Writing. I want to be a writer, or maybe a painter, I don’t know, or maybe both. I’ll write a book and draw the pictures. Then maybe people will understand me. I don’t know, change things.

You want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating Twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know, it takes a little, little while to find that out. Right, Jim? And you. Yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe you should lift some weights or take a karate lesson. And the next time he tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.

That’s what’s so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What’s the point of living… if you don’t have a dick?

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