Conrad ‘Connie’ Brean Monologues

They’re war slogans, Mr. Motss. We remember the slogans, we can’t even remember the fucking wars. You know why? That’s show business. That’s why we’re here. Naked girl covered in Napalm. ‘V for Victory’. Five Marines raising the flag, Mt. Suribachi. You remember the picture 50 years from now, you’ll have forgotten the war. The Gulf War, smart bomb falling down a chimney. 2500 missions a day, 100 days. ONE video of ONE bomb Mr. Motts, the American people bought that war. War is show business – that’s why we’re here.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

You watched the Gulf War, what do you see day after day? The one smart bomb falling down the chimney. The truth? I was in the building when we shot that shot – we shot in a studio, Falls Church, Virginia. One-tenth scale model of a building.

Well, I have, too. Would you do it again…? Isn’t that why you’re here? I guess so. And if you go to war again, who is it going to be against? Your “ability to fight a Two-ocean War” against who? Sweden and Togo? Who you sitting here to Go To War Against? That time has passed. It’s passed. It’s over. The war of the future is nuclear terrorism. It is and it will be against a small group of dissidents who, unbeknownst, perhaps, to their own governments, have blah blah blah. And to go to that war, you’ve got to be prepared. You have to be alert, and the public has to be alert. Cause that is the war of the future, and if you’re not gearing up, to fight that war, eventually the axe will fall. And you’re gonna be out in the street. And you can call this a “drill,” or you can call it “job security,” or you can call it anything you like. But I got one for you: you said, “Go to war to protect your Way of Life,” well, Chuck, this is your way of life. Isn’t it? And if there ain’t no war, then you, my friend, can go home and prematurely take up golf. Because there ain’t no war but ours.

They could come to your house in the middle of the night and kill you.

What difference does it make if it’s true? If it’s a story and it breaks, they’re gonna run with it.

Well, if Kissinger can win the Peace Prize, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up and find out I’d won the Preakness.

We’re not gonna have a war, we’re gonna have the appearance of a war.

Now folks, folks, this is a shitty business and it needs no ghosts come from the grave to tell us that but Lord willing and Jesus tarries eight days from now I’m going to be taking you folks into the second term. Wait ’til you hear the speech tonight, the 303 speech – great!

I’m doing my job too and let me ask you something. Let me ask you a simple question. Why do people go to war? Why do they go to war?

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