Capt. T. G. Culpepper Monologues

I don’t think you have to worry too much about that. My wife is divorcing me, my mother-in-law is suing me for damages, my daughter is applying to the courts to have her name changed, my pension has been revoked. And the only reason that you 10 idiots will very LIKELY get off LIGHTLY, is because the judge will have me up there to throw the book at!

I’d like to think that sometime, maybe 10 or 20 years from now, there’d be something I could laugh at… Anything.

But the moment anybody gets to where they’re going, we’re going to pick them up. So what difference does it make who gets there first?

Ummm. Central to F7: No. We’ll leave them where they are. See what happens. Watch all the exits, but render no assistance. Over.

You know what I believe I’d like? A chocolate fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Nothing will happen here for five minutes.

Now, where have I always told ya that the Smiler hid the dough? Where? Right there!

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