You are beautiful. And you are unpredictable. But you’re so cautious. You’re determined, Beth; but you know something? You’re not strong. And I don’t know if you’re really giving. Tell me something. Do you love me? You really love me?
We would have been alright, if there hadn’t been any mess. But you can’t handle mess. You need everything neat and easy. I don’t know. Maybe you can’t love anybody. It was so much Buck. When Buck died, it was as if you buried all your love with him, and I don’t understand that, I just don’t know, I don’t… maybe it wasn’t even Buck; maybe it was just you. Maybe, finally, it was the best of you that you buried. But, whatever it was… I don’t know who you are. And I don’t know what we’ve been playing at. So I was crying. Because I don’t know if I love you anymore. And I don’t know what I’m going to do without that.
Well, don’t admire people too much. They’ll disappoint you sometimes.
Could we talk about Buck’s funeral?
It’ll seem trivial. But, it’s on my mind and I’d like to talk about it. When I was getting dressed for Buck’s funeral…
Just let me get it off my chest,OK?
I was wearing a blue shirt. You said, “wear a white shirt and the other shoes.” It was nothing at the time, but, it seemed to stay with me. And I, for some reason, had been thinking about it and it suddenly occurred to me, what difference did it make what I wore to Buck’s funeral?
Just hear me out, Beth, it won’t hurt you to listen!
I just want to talk about something I always remembered.
Because I’ve always wondered, in some needling way, what it mattered what I wore. I was crazy that day. We were going to our son’s funeral and you were worried about what I wore on my feet. I’m sure it sounds like nothing to you, but it stuck with me and I just wanted… to tell you about it.
No don’t do that to yourself! Somethings things happen in this world people don’t always have the answers for them you know! I don’t know what I’m yelling at you for.
Oh he needed it! You were always so hard on yourself, I never had the heart.
No it’s the truth!
I should have gotten a handle on it somehow.
Well, don’t admire people too much. They’ll disappoint you sometimes.
I love you too.
