Archie Leach Monologues

All right, all right, I apologise.

I’m really really sorry, I apologise unreservedly.

I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

How very interesting. You’re a true vulgarian, aren’t you?

I’m tellin’ ya baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whooped yer hide REAL GOOD.

You make me feel free.

Wanda, do you have any idea what it’s like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone “Are you married?” and hearing “My wife left me this morning,” or saying, uh, “Do you have children?” and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, we’ll all terrified of embarrassment. That’s why we’re so… dead. Most of my friends are dead, you know, we have these piles of corpses to dinner. But you’re alive, God bless you, and I want to be, I’m so fed up with all this. I want to make love with you, Wanda. I’m a good lover – at least, used to be, back in the early 14th century. Can we go to bed?

I am Italian! Sono italiano in spirito. Ma ho sposato una donna che preferisce lavorare in giardino a fare l’amore appassionato. Uno sbaglio grande! But it’s such an ugly language. How about… Russian?

How could a bright and smart girl like you have a brother who is so…

Be a good girl, now, or I’ll break your neck, okay?

You are the sexiest, most beautiful girl I have ever seen… in my entire life.

We have more monologues for You!