Robert De Niro Monologues

I remember those cheers / They still ring in my ears / After years, they remain in my thoughts. / Go to one night / I took off my robe, and what'd I do? I forgot to wear shorts. / I recall every fall / Every hook, every jab / The worst way a guy can get rid of his flab. / As you know, my life wasn't drab. / Though I'd much… Though I'd rather hear you cheer / When you delve… Though I'd rather hear you cheer / When I delve into Shakespeare / "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse", I haven't had a winner in six months.

Though I'm no Olivier / I would much rather… And though I'm no Olivier / If he fought Sugar Ray / He would say / That the thing ain't the ring, it's the play. / So give me a… stage / Where this bull here can rage / And though I could fight / I'd much rather recite /… that's entertainment.

I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss… I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss, I'm da boss.

Did you fuck my wife?

Just tell me.

You're very smart, Joey. You're givin' me all these answers, but you ain't givin' me the right answer. I'm gonna ask you again: did you or did you not?

Don't give me that look, Joey. I gotta accept your answer, you know? But If I hear anything, I swear on our mother I'm gonna kill somebody. I'm gonna kill somebody, Joey.

What do you mean - I don't understand, kill you?

Yeah, he's a nice kid, pretty kid, don't know whether to fuck him or fight him.

Who's an animal? Your mother's an animal, ya son of a bitch.

I got these small hands. I got a little girl's hands.

I'm gonna open his hole like this. Please excuse my French. I'm gonna make him suffer. I'm gonna make his mother wish she never had him - make him into dog meat... He's a nice, a nice kid. He's a pretty kid, too. I mean I don't know, I gotta problem if I should fuck him or fight him.

Friends. They're in a huddle. Big business meeting. By the pool, they sit around and talk. Big deals. They make sure she can hear. Big Man. Get the fuck outta here. Big shot. Get 'em all in a back room, smack 'em around, no more big shot, without his gun. They're tough guys. They're all tough guys.

I'm gonna win. There's no way I'm goin' down. I don't go down for nobody.

"When I come home at night, my wife's at the door with a tall drink in her hand. And she gives me a nice hot bath. Then, she gives me a nice rubdown. Then, she makes passionate love to me. Then, she makes me dinner. What more could you ask for? You ought to try that." The other friend says, "Hey, That sounds great! What time does your wife get home?"

What'd I do? What'd I do? What'd I do?

Hey, Joey, you don't understand. You don't understand. I had to fight a bum. He's a bum! I fought the guy, tapped him like that, all the sudden he's like this all over the place. What have I got to do?

They got some balls. Some balls. I take the dive. What more do they want? Huh? They want me to go down too? I ain't goin' down. Not for nobody.

What am I gonna do? If that's what they're gonna do, they're gonna do. What can I do? Well, fuck 'em. Let 'em do what they're gonna do.

Why? Why'd you do it? Why? You're so stupid. You're so stupid. So fuckin' stupid. So stupid. They call me an animal. I'm not an animal! I'm not an animal. Why do they treat me like this? I'm not bad. I'm not that bad! I'm not that bad. I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy.

We've got to tell everybody. We've got to remind them. We've got to remind them how good it is.

Read the newspaper. What does it say? All bad. It's all bad. People have forgotten what life is all about. They've forgotten what it is to be alive. They need to be reminded. They need to be reminded of what they have and what they can lose. What I feel is the joy of life, the gift of life, the freedom of life, the wonderment of life!

"I'm all right, and then everything stops, There's no warning, It's like a light switch going off. It happens that fast. Something has to happen to bring me back. A sound or a touch. And then I can move again, I'm okay again. It's not that it feels bad, It's just that it's nothing. I feel nothing, like I'm dead. Nothing. Gets to be like I'm no a person anymore. Just a collection of tics. Not that I mind them necessarily. Sometimes they make life kind of interesting. Though I'm not sure who's in control, me or them. What I do mind is knowing that they shouldn't be there".

Hello. My name is Leonard Lowe. It has been explained to me that I've been away for quite some time. I'm back.

Look, l'm not a criminal. I've committed no crime, I'm not a danger to myself or to others. And yet, l'm stiIl not alIowed to go for a waIk on my own by myself. You didn't wake a thing, you woke a person. I am a person.

They're war slogans, Mr. Motss. We remember the slogans, we can't even remember the fucking wars. You know why? That's show business. That's why we're here. Naked girl covered in Napalm. 'V for Victory'. Five Marines raising the flag, Mt. Suribachi. You remember the picture 50 years from now, you'll have forgotten the war. The Gulf War, smart bomb falling down a chimney. 2500 missions a day, 100 days. ONE video of ONE bomb Mr. Motts, the American people bought that war. War is show business - that's why we're here.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

You watched the Gulf War, what do you see day after day? The one smart bomb falling down the chimney. The truth? I was in the building when we shot that shot - we shot in a studio, Falls Church, Virginia. One-tenth scale model of a building.

Well, I have, too. Would you do it again…? Isn't that why you're here? I guess so. And if you go to war again, who is it going to be against? Your "ability to fight a Two-ocean War" against who? Sweden and Togo? Who you sitting here to Go To War Against? That time has passed. It's passed. It's over. The war of the future is nuclear terrorism. It is and it will be against a small group of dissidents who, unbeknownst, perhaps, to their own governments, have blah blah blah. And to go to that war, you've got to be prepared. You have to be alert, and the public has to be alert. Cause that is the war of the future, and if you're not gearing up, to fight that war, eventually the axe will fall. And you're gonna be out in the street. And you can call this a "drill," or you can call it "job security," or you can call it anything you like. But I got one for you: you said, "Go to war to protect your Way of Life," well, Chuck, this is your way of life. Isn't it? And if there ain't no war, then you, my friend, can go home and prematurely take up golf. Because there ain't no war but ours.

They could come to your house in the middle of the night and kill you.

What difference does it make if it's true? If it's a story and it breaks, they're gonna run with it.

Well, if Kissinger can win the Peace Prize, I wouldn't be surprised to wake up and find out I'd won the Preakness.

We're not gonna have a war, we're gonna have the appearance of a war.

Now folks, folks, this is a shitty business and it needs no ghosts come from the grave to tell us that but Lord willing and Jesus tarries eight days from now I'm going to be taking you folks into the second term. Wait 'til you hear the speech tonight, the 303 speech - great!

I'm doing my job too and let me ask you something. Let me ask you a simple question. Why do people go to war? Why do they go to war?

What kind of man makes a call like that...

Nowadays, young people, they don't know who Jimmy Hoffa was. They don't have a clue. I mean, maybe they know that he disappeared or something, but that's about it. But back then, there wasn't nobody in this country who didn't know who Jimmy Hoffa was.

Whenever anybody says they're a little concerned, they're very concerned.

And when they say they're more than a little concerned, they're desperate.

When I was young, I thought house painters painted houses. What did I know? I was a working guy. A business agent for Teamster Local 107 out of South Philly.

One of a thousand working stiffs... until I wasn't no more. And then I started painting houses... myself.

I thought maybe he owned the gas station. 'Cause he owned something, you could tell. Yeah, it turns out he owned the whole road.

They talked about it all the time. She came from mob royalty, if you want to call it that. To them, it was like they came over on the... the Italian Mayflower.

Sometimes with something like this, you might want to go to the bathroom first. It gives you a chance to make sure no followed you in. It also gives you a chance to make sure nobody's in the bathroom you have to worry about. It also gives you a chance to go to the bathroom.

Three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.

Russell had a piece of everything. He had this store in Pittston called Penn Drape & Curtains. And he ran everything out of there. Who knew what it all was? I mean, I'm sure the man had partners. They always have partners. Nobody keeps all the money. But everybody listened to Russ. That I can tell you. You wanted to bribe a judge, you asked Russell. You didn't know how much to bribe him, Russell was gonna tell you. You wanna promote one of your guys, Russ would tell you you could or you could not. You wanna make somebody disappear, you gotta get Russell's permission. You know, no two ways about it. And when you did something for Russ, you did it yourself. Like Russ used to say...

There were two things I couldn't get out of my mind. One was Dominic, the way he said, "I slipped," just before he died. The other was you. How you used to read me your Song of Songs, remember? "How beautiful are your feet / In sandals, O prince's daughter." I used to read the Bible every night. Every night I used to think about you. "Your navel is a bowl / Well-rounded with no lack of wine / Your belly, a heap of wheat / Surrounded with lilies / Your breasts / Clusters of grapes / Your breath, sweet-scented as apples." Nobody's gonna love you the way I loved you. There were times I couldn't stand it any more. I used to think of you. I'd think, "Deborah lives. She's out there. She exists." And that would get me through it all. You know how important that was to me?

You see, Mr Secretary... I have a story also, a little simpler than yours. Many years ago, I had a friend, a dear friend. I turned him in to save his life, but he was killed. But he wanted it that way. It was a great friendship. But it went bad for him, and it went bad for me too. Good night, Mr Bailey.

I hope the investigation turns out to be nothing. It'd be a shame to see a lifetime of work go to waste.

It's true I have killed people, Mr. Bailey. Sometimes to defend myself, sometimes for money. And many people used to come to us. Business partners, rivals, lovers. Some of the jobs we took, and some we didn't. Yours is one we would never touch, Mr Bailey.

I like the stink of the streets. It makes me feel good. And I like the smell of it, it opens up my lungs. And it gives me a hard-on.

You, Mr. Bailey? I haven't had a gun in my hand for many, many years. My eyes aren't too good, even with my glasses. My hands shake. And I wouldn't want to miss, Mr Bailey.

I always thought you might have helped yourself to that million bucks. But now I know. Yeah, you're on your ass worse than ever.

I'm not interested in friends from those places, and I don't trust politicians!

You're still acting like a street schmuck! You know, if we'd listened to you, we'd still be rolling out drunks for a living!

Yeah, well, I read about your troubles in the newspapers. But a man in your position, with all your power and all your privileges, has to assume a certain amount of responsibility… a certain amount of risk.

Where do you think? He's in the maternity ward. He never left. He got restless, so he wanted to change his bed. The other kids got the same idea, so they wanted to change their beds. You got thirty, forty screaming babies jumping from one bed to another, switching tags. So now we do have a real problem.

To keep from going crazy, you have to cut yourself off from the outside world, just not think about it. Yet there were years that went by. It seemed like… no time at all, because you're not doing anything.

You wanted a place by the ocean. I had it opened. It was closed for the season. All these tables are for two people. Pick whatever one you want.

I know a thing or two about a thing or two!

That's right, I spent it all as you made it, for things that we needed! It's gone! Poof! Poof!

Oh, fancy, fancy talk. Fancy talk for a whore. Fancy talk. Oh, yeah! I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I've got friends in this town and they tell me things. And I found out some guy down at that campaign headquarters, he found you a job in Washington, D.C. You're gonna run off with him aren't ya, Miss Whore? Aren't ya, Miss Whore?

You can get it doggy-style or you can get it laying on your side. Those are your only choices. This is my house and I get to say. Got it?

What about me? What about me? When is it ever Dwight's turn for some consideration? What about me? I'll tell you one thing: You'll remember me!

Hey, I thought I was helping him. Thought I save him some trouble, 'cause he got no chance of gettin' into some fancy prep school.

Now come on! Come on! Let's go, god damn it, let's start, you little fuckin' sissy, all your god damn fuckin' life, quitter, gonna be a god damned quitter, let's go, damn you! Don't go all shy and delicate on me, you're acting as sissy as little miss Arthur Gale, you know that? And you know what I'm gonna call you, I'm gonna call you little miss Jackie Wolff. Oh my yes, oh Jackie, oh my yes, little miss Jackie Wolff, little miss Jackie Wolff… Is that what you want me to call you? Is that what you want the kids in school to call you? Come on, let's go, come on, let's do it. Oh, Jesus Christ, if you're gonna act like a…

Every time I come home, I feel the top of the TV to see if its warm, and it always is!

Yeah, you pull that hot shot stuff around me, and I'll break every bone in your goddamn body. You understand me? Yeah, you're in for a change, mister, a whole 'nother ball game.

Hey, leopard. I said hey, leopard. I know you, leopard. I can see those spots that you can't change, leopard. Huh, leopard? Huh?

Hey look it's the Hot Shot that thinks he knows everything. Buddy, what you don't know would fill a book. Edsel's a piece of shit car.

I trade an old piece of crap for a valuable hunting dog and all you can do is piss and moan! Make your own deals from now on!

Well... You can want in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills first.

This is nothing compared to what you're gonna get, dammit!

I don't believe that crap, you know, I believe there is such a thing as a bad boy, bad clear through. It's gonna be my job to set you straight. That's right, to kill or cure. Kill or cure!

You don't know it yet, but me and Concrete are in your blood. We'll make a man of you yet. In years to come you'll thank me. You'll remember me… me and Concrete!

Only me on this whole Earth to straighten you out, and I will do it, kill or cure. Kill or cure.

Hey, Leopard. I say "Hey, Leopard". I know you, leopard. I can see those spots that you can't change, leopard. Huh, leopard? Huh? Thinks he can go to some fancy prep school to fool everybody? Well, not a chance. Not a chance. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I sure do. I sure do.

A neighbor of mine says, "Looking for nice churches, come to Concrete. Looking for sin, go to hell."

You too good for this ten dollars? It's a good ten dollars. You know Michael, you make me laugh. You see, I borrow money all over this neighborhood, left and right from everybody, I never pay them back. So, I can't borrow no money from nobody no more, right? So who would that leave me to borrow money from but you? I borrow money from you, because you're the only jerk-off around here who I can borrow money from without payin' back, right? You know, 'cause that's what you are, that's what I think of you: a jerk-off. You're a fucking jerk-off! You're laughing 'cause you're a jerk-off. I'll tell 'ya something else,

I fuck you right where you breath, because I don't give two shits about you or nobody else.

Come on... Come on... fuck face! Come on... 'ya motherfucker! Motherfucker!... come on! I got somethin' for 'ya asshole!

Oh, I don't have the guts, huh? Come over here, I'll shove this up yer ass! Come on!

Hey asshole, this is for you asshole! He's a fucking asshole!

I always wondered what happens when she comes. Does she have a fit?

You see, I borrow money all over this neighborhood, left and right from every BODY, I never pay them back. So, I can't borrow no money from nobody no more, right? So, who would that leave me to borrow money from but you? I borrow money from you, because you're the only jerk-off around here who I can borrow money from without payin' back, right? You know, 'cause that's what you are, that's what I think of you: a jerk-off.

Hey, sorry lady! I'm sorry! I hate that lady with a passion… with a vengeance.

You two-faced, dirty fucking bastard! Don't you ever hit me again!

What's the matter, you too good for this ten dollars? Huh? You too good for it? It's a good ten dollars. Know somethin' Mikey? You make me laugh. You know that?

You don't know what happened to me. I'm so depressed about other things, I can't worry about payments. You know what I mean? I come home last Tuesday, I had my money, cash, blah blah bing bing, I'm comin' home, I ran into Jimmy Sparks. I owe Jimmy Sparks seven hundred, like for four months, I gotta pay they guy. He lives in my building. He hangs out across the street. I gotta pay the guy, right?

So, I was in there, playin' bankers and brokers, all of the sudden, I'm ahead like six-seven hundred dollars. I'm really winnin'. All the sudden some kid walks in and the kid yells that the bulls are comin', right. Now that the cops are comin', everybody runs away.

Meanwhile, I lost the deal, I go outside, I'm a little depressed, now. Anyway, I wanna cut this story short, 'cause I know you don't wanna hear all this and, I know I know I know, but, I'm gonna - to make a long story short, anyway, I went to Hal Kaplan, gotta new tie and I got this shirt. Do you like this shirt? It's nice. This tie…

Ah, it feels good. Hey, Charlie? The streets are empty. Thanks. Thank God. With that feast on, you can't even move in your own neighborhood. I hate that feast with a passion!

What do you mean? I ain't smart. I'm stupid. Remember? I'm so stupid you gotta look out for me. Right? Right?

Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Let me introduce myself. My name is Rupert Pupkin. I was born in Clifton, New Jersey… which was not at that time a federal offense. Is there anyone here from Clifton? Oh, good. We can all relax now. I'd like to begin by saying… my parents were too poor to afford me a childhood. But the fact is that… no one is allowed to be too poor in Clifton. Once you fall below a certain level… they exile you to Passaic. My parents did put the first two down payments on my childhood. Don't get me wrong, but they did also return me to the hospital as defective. But, like everyone else I grew up in large part thanks to my mother. If she were only here today… I'd say, "Hey, ma, what are you doing here? You've been dead for nine years!" But seriously, you should've seen my mother. She was wonderful. Blonde, beautiful, intelligent, alcoholic. We used to drink milk together after school. Mine was homogenized. Hers was loaded. Once they picked her up for speeding. They clocked her doing 55. All right, but in our garage? And when they tested her… they found out that her alcohol had 2% blood. Ah, but we used to joke together, mom and me… until the tears would stroll down her face… and she would throw up! Yeah, and who would clean it up? Not dad. He was too busy down at O'Grady's… throwing up on his own. Yeah. In fact, until I was 13 I thought throwing up was a sign of maturity. While the other kids were off in the woods sneaking cigarettes… I was hiding behind the house with my fingers down my throat. The only problem was I never got anywhere… until one day my father caught me. Just as he was giving me a final kick in the stomach for luck… I managed to heave all over his new shoes! "That's it", I thought. "I've made it. I'm finally a man!" But as it turned out, I was wrong. That was the only attention my father ever gave me. Yeah, he was usually too busy out in the park playing ball with my sister Rose. But today, I must say thanks to those many hours of practice my sister Rose has grown into a fine man. Me, I wasn't especially interested in athletics. The only exercise I ever got was when the other kids picked on me. Yeah, they used to beat me up once a week… usually Tuesday. And after a while the school worked it into the curriculum. And if you knocked me out, you got extra credit. There was this one kid, poor kid… he was afraid of me. I used to tell him…"Hit me, hit me. What's the matter with you? Don't you want to graduate?" Hey, I was the youngest kid in the history of the school to graduate in traction. But, you know, my only real interest right from the beginning, was show business. Even as a young man, I began at the very top collecting autographs. Now, a lot of you are probably wondering… why Jerry isn't with us tonight. Well, I'll tell you. The fact is he's tied up. I'm the one who tied him. Well, I know you think I'm joking… but, believe me, that's the only way… I could break into show business… by hijacking Jerry Langford. Right now, Jerry is strapped to a chair… somewhere in the middle of the city. Go ahead, laugh. Thank you. I appreciate it. But the fact is, I'm here. Now, tomorrow you'll know I wasn't kidding… and you'll think I was crazy. But, look, I figure it this way. Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime. Thank you. Thank you.

The more scribbled the name, the bigger the fame.

I'm gonna work 50 times harder, and I'm gonna be 50 times more famous than you.

Why not me? Why not? A guy can get anything he wants as long as he pays the price. What's wrong with that? Stranger things have happened.

What about things that I did for you that no money can buy, no money can buy? What about the time I gave you my spot! You came over there, I gave you my spot! You stood there and I let you get right next to Jerry. I waited for 8 hours for him and you went right next to him cause you were crying to me cause you wanted to get next to Jerry and you got next to him. And what about the time I gave you my last album of the Best of Jerry, what about that? It wasn't anybody else it was me and I didn't even ask you for money and I can't even pay my rent! What are talking about? I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse! I can't believe this girl!

I think it's that I look at my whole life… and I see the awful things in my life… and turn it into something funny. It just happens… but what about the first few one-liners? Were they strong enough?

Why didn't you just listen to the tape? It wasn't that hard… a few minutes of your time to listen to something… that I worked on my whole life.

Do you know what would happen if I went there? You know, I'm not stupid.

You know, Jerry, I'm going to tell you something. Friendship is a two-way street. Do you know that? And you couldn't care less about me.

I ain't no white trash piece of shit. I'm better than you all! I can out-learn you. I can out-read you. I can out-think you. And I can out-philosophize you. And I'm gonna outlast you. You think a couple whacks to my guts is gonna get me down? It's gonna take a hell of a lot more than that, Counselor, to prove you're better than me!

I am like God, and God like me. I am as large as God, He is as small as I. He cannot above me, nor I beneath Him be." Silesius, 17th Century.

It's not necessary to lay a foul tongue on me my friend. I could get upset. Things could get out of hand. Then in self defense, I could do something to you that you would not like, right here.

I'm Virgil and I'm guidin' you through the gates of Hell. We are now in the Ninth Circle, the Circle of Traitors. Traitors to country! Traitors to fellow man! Traitors to GOD! You, sir, are charged with betrayin' the principles of all three! Quote for me the American Bar Association's Rules of Professional Conduct, Canon Seven.

"Should ZEALOUSLY represent his client within the bounds of the law." I find you guilty, counselor! Guilty of betrayin' your fellow man! Guilty of betrayin' your country and abrogatin' your oath! Guilty of judgin' me and sellin' me out! With the power vested in me by the kingdom of God, I sentence you to the Ninth Circle of Hell! Now you will learn about loss! Loss of freedom! Loss of humanity! Now you and I will truly be the same…

Every man... every man has to go through hell to reach paradise.

Are you my friend? Are you my friend?

Well, see, I like to plan my comings and goings with friends, so if you're planning my comings and goings I'd call that presumptuous, in fact I'd call it downright rude.

I understand, I'm not your type, too many tattoos. Thing is, there isn't much to do in prison except desecrate your flesh.

Are you a cop? Or were you a cop? Or were you not good enough to remain on the force? Cause you know what? That's the feeling I'm getting here.

Danielle, were you about to offer me something hot?

Let's get something straight... I spent fourteen years in an eight by nine foot cell surrounded by people who were less than human. My mission in that time was to become more than human

… so you see! Granddaddy used to handle snakes in church, Granny drank strychnine. I guess you could say I had a leg up, genetically speaking.

our mommy's not happy… your daddy's not happy, and you know what? You're not happy.

I am going to teach you the meaning of commitment. Fourteen years ago I was forced to make a commitment to an eight by nine cell, now you are going to be forced to make a commitment. You could say I'm here to save you.

Oh, cause' I thought maybe you were my friend, cause' I like to plan my comings and goings with friends. But if you're not my friend, you're plannin' my comings and goings, I'd call that presumptuous. In fact, I'd call it downright rude, cause' I ain't your porch-baby, buddy.

Ooh, I got the all-over fidgets on that one! And you're really shaken' me up! I'm shiveren' all over! Whew! It's not necessary to lay a foul tongue on me, my friend. I could get upset. Things could get out of hand. And then in self-defence, I could do something to you that you would not like... right here.

What you gonna' do? Arrest me? What are you a cop? Or were you a cop? Or were you not good enough to remain on the force? Cause' you know what? That's the feelin' I'm gettin' here.

Hope you enjoyed your breakfast.

You will now have an opportunity. "What is that opportunity?", you ask. Why, here and now, we have an opportunity to depict and dramatize...

...both the heights and the depths of a mama's true love for her daughter, if y'all get my meaning. C'mon out, baby, let's go. C'mon darling. Get out.

I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!

S'alright. I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we used to say "You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word."

A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball! A man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork... Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don't field... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins.

I'm gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I'm gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk. Understand? Now, I have done nothing to harm these people but they are angered with me, so what do they do, doctor up some income tax, for which they have no case. To speak to me like me, no, to harass a peaceful man. I pray to god if I ever had a grievance I'd have a little more self respect. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won.

Well, I'll tell ya, you know, it's touching. Like a lot of things in life, we laugh because it's funny and we laugh because it's true. Now, some people will say - reformers, they'll say, 'Put that man in jail! What does he think he is doing?' Well, what I hope I'm doing, and here's where your English paper's got a point, is - I'm responding to the will of the people.

People are gonna drink! You know that, I know that, we all know that, and all I do is act on that. And all this talk of bootlegging - what is bootlegging? On a boat, it's bootlegging. On Lake Shore Drive, it's hospitality. I'm a businessman!

When you got an all-out prizefight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. 'N' that's how you know who won.

Yes! There is violence in Chicago. But not by me, and not by anybody who works for me, and I'll tell you why because it's bad for business.

That you would even think that would only show me how unprepared you are to be on your own. I mean, you do know you're a freak? Your deductive powers are a gift from God or chance or a straight shot of sperm or whatever or whoever wrote your life-script. A gift, not earned. You do not know what I know because you have not earned those powers. You're careless with those powers, you flaunt them, and you throw them around like a brat with his trust-fund. You haven't had to climb up all the greasy little rungs. You haven't been bored blind at the fundraisers. You haven't done the time and that first marriage to the girl with the right father. You think you can leap over all in a single bound. You haven't had to bribe or charm or threat your way to a seat at that table. You don't know how to assess your competition because you haven't competed. Don't make me your competition

Have you been talking to anyone?

I know you're not stupid, Eddie, but don't make the classic smart person's mistake, thinking no one's smarter than you.

You're not one of those kind of guys, are you Eddie? We lose you if there's a screen in the room?

And then we'll say, "Godspeed," and your candle will have shed a brief but lovely light.

You don't get sick. You're playing at this level, you get hit by a fucking car, you don't even die.

The Navy Diver is not a fighting man, he is a salvage expert. If it is lost underwater, he finds it. If it's sunk, he brings it up. If it's in the way, he moves it. If he's lucky, he will die young, 200 feet beneath the waves, for that is the closest he'll ever get to being a hero.

A Chief Petty Officer shall not drink. However, if he should drink he shall not get drunk. If he should get drunk, he shall not stagger. And if he should stagger, he shall not fall. And if he should fall, he will fall in such a manner as to cover up his rank so that passerbyers will think he is an officer.

My name is Master Chief Billy Sunday. There was a preacher by the same name who cleaned up Chicago of all the whoring spics, drunken wops and motherfucking niggers that was making that place unfit for decent white folks to live. The only difference between me and that old preacher is that he worked for God, and I am God!

Goddammit Cookie, move your ass, I want my TWELVE!

Boatswain's mate second class Carl Brashear. Nine hours, thirty one minutes, perfect assembly.

gentlemen, this is weekend liberty, remember one night stands maybe over in the morning but Syphilis lasts a lifetime.

You don't know and you ain't ever gonna know, 'cause you're just some dumb dirt nigger from Podunk! I know you. Your sweet smell hung in every bunk and Goddamn shack I ever lived in. Your nigger face stared at me every time we had to leave 'cause your daddy could farm it cheaper then mine. Mine drank himself into a $7 casket, but that ain't ever gonna happen to me because I'm a master diver! And maybe you'll remember that next time you imply we got anything in common! You read me, cookie?

Snowhill, get your Wisconsin ass back in the barracks.

Cookie. God damn it! It looks like I missed one helluva party.

Swimmin' don't got dick-shit to do with deep-sea divin'. If Johnny fuckin' Weismuller were in the soup wearin' a 200-pound Mark Five divin' rig, he couldn't swim to fuck Esther Williams if she was three feet in front of him buck naked! The only way to survive is to trust each other, 'cause underwater all you got is the man next to you. And that is why the only men that get through my course are the very, very best.

Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, wait a minute, I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, no, wait, I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.

I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys.

Well, let me describe the scene to you. There are these guys, see? They've probably been up for like two days. They stink of B.O., they have coffee breath, they're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long, they're sitting in a van, and they're probably parked right up the street from your office, Eddie. YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED!

I know my rights. You owe me phone calls.

Ten years for impersonating a fed, huh?

How comes no one's after you?

I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I gotta check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck.

What?

No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that, pal.

What does that mean?

I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".

You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would ya?

Looks like I'm walkin'.

Can I ask you something? These sunglasses, they're really nice: are they government-issued, or all you guys go to the same store to get them?

What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST!

How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

I never took a payoff in my life and I'm not gonna start with someone like you.

Because you're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if I hear any more shit outta you: I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there.

Eddie... I'll do it for a hundred-thousand.

Maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm tired of getting shot at. I'm tired of this miserable fucking business, every low-life that I run into. If you're going to pay me, you gotta pay me what's right. You want me for this job, gimme what's right.

Can I get my money first?

You? Never. You would never try to stiff me.

I've known you for all of two mins & already I don't like you

You can FLY, you son of a bitch?

What am I telling you for… What am I telling you for… What am I… I'll tell you what I'm telling you for

Where am I? I'm at the airport! And guess who I'm with? I'm with the Duke!

Yeah, you wanna say hello?

Yeah, say hello!

Yeah! Now say goodbye, you lying little piece of shit, because I'm letting him go!

Shit, there's goes my hundred grand!

Yeah. What's he paying you?

Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.

Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up.

I realize now how much she's just like the others, cold and distant, and many people are like that, women for sure, they're like a union.

I first saw her at Palantine Campaign headquarters at 63rd and Broadway. She was wearing a white dress. She appeared like an angel. Out of this filthy mess, she is alone. They… cannot… touch… her.

June twenty-ninth. I gotta get in shape. Too much sitting has ruined my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on there will be 50 pushups each morning, 50 pullups. There will be no more pills, no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight.

I got some bad ideas in my head.

All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.

Now I see this clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. There never has been a choice for me.

I'll tell you why. I think you're a lonely person. I drive by this place a lot and I see you here. I see a lot of people around you. And I see all these phones and all this stuff on your desk. It means nothing. Then when I came inside and I met you, I saw in your eyes and I saw the way you carried yourself that you're not a happy person. And I think you need something. And if you want to call it a friend, you can call it a friend.

Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man… June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.

I would say he has quite a few problems. His energy seems to go in the wrong places. When I walked in and I saw you two sitting there, I could just tell by the way you were both relating that there was no connection whatsoever. And I felt when I walked in that there was something between us. There was an impulse that we were both following. So that gave me the right to come in and talk to you. Otherwise I never would have felt that I had the right to talk to you or say anything to you. I never would have had the courage to talk to you. And with him I felt there was nothing and I could sense it. When I walked in, I knew I was right. Did you feel that way?

Hey, I'm not square, you're the one that's square. You're full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussy for peanuts? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one that's square, man. I don't go screwing fuck with a bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that bein' hip? What world are you from?

Hello Betsy. Hi, it's Travis. How ya doin'? Listen, uh, I'm, I'm sorry about the, the other night. I didn't know that was the way you felt about it. Well, I-I didn't know that was the way you felt. I-I-I would have taken ya somewhere else. Uh, are you feeling better or oh you maybe had a virus or somethin', a 24-hour virus you know. It happens. Yeah, umm, you uh, you're workin' hard. Yeah. Uh, would you like to have, uh, some dinner, uh with me in the next, you know, few days or somethin'? Well, how about just a cup of coffee? I'll come by the, uh, headquarters or somethin', we could, uh… Oh, OK, OK. Did you get my flowers in the…? You didn't get them. I sent some flowers, uh… Yeah, well, OK, OK. Can I call you again? Uh, tomorrow or the next day? OK. No, I'm gonna… OK. Yeah, sure, OK. So long.

May 10th. Thank God for the rain which has helped wash away the garbage and trash off the sidewalks. I'm workin' long hours now, six in the afternoon to six in the morning. Sometimes even eight in the morning, six days a week. Sometimes seven days a week. It's a long hustle but it keeps me real busy. I can take in three, three fifty a week. Sometimes even more when I do it off the meter. All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.

Dear Father and Mother: July is the month I remember which brings not only your wedding anniversary but also Father's Day and Mother's birthday. I'm sorry I can't remember the exact dates, but I hope this card will take care of them all. I'm sorry again I cannot send you my address like I promised to last year. But the sensitive nature of my work for the government demands utmost secrecy. I know you will understand. I am healthy and well and making lots of money. I have been going with a girl for several months and I know you would be proud if you could see her. Her name is Betsy but I can tell you no more than that… I hope this card finds you all well as it does me. I hope no one has died. Don't worry about me. One day, they'll be a knock on the door and it'll be me. Love Travis.

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?

Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood.

June 29th. I gotta get in shape now. Too much sittin' is ruinin' my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on, it will be fifty push-ups each morning, fifty pull-ups. There'll be no more pills, there'll be no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on, it will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight.

Dear Iris: This money should be used for your trip. By the time you read this, I will be dead. Travis.

All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention. I believe that someone should become a person like other people.

May 26th. Four o'clock p.m. I took Betsy to Charles Coffee Shop on Columbus Circle. I had black coffee and apple pie with a slice of melted yellow cheese. I think that was a good selection. Betsy had coffee and a fruit salad dish. She could have had anything she wanted.

I realize now how much she's just like the others - cold and distant, and many people are like that. Women for sure. They're like a union.

The idea had been growing in my brain for some time. True force. All the king's men cannot put it back together again.

I called Betsy again at her office and she said maybe we'd go to a movie together after she gets off work tomorrow. That's my day off. At first she hesitated but I called her again and then she agreed. Betsy, Betsy. Oh no, Betsy what? I forgot to ask her last name again. Damn. I got to remember stuff like that.

Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.

When you love someone, you've gotta trust them. There's no other way. You've got to give them the key to everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point? And for a while, I believed, that's the kind of love I had.

In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the players. The box men are watching the dealers. The floor men are watching the box men. The pit bosses are watching the floor men. The shift bosses are watching the pit bosses. The casino manager is watching the shift bosses. I'm watching the casino manager. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching us all.

No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And if you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead.

Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here: the right way, the wrong way, and the way that *I* do it. You understand?

The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior's college money on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it's like checkin' into an airport. And if you order room service, you're lucky if you get it by Thursday. Today, it's all gone. You get a whale show up with four million in a suitcase, and some twenty-five-year-old hotel school kid is gonna want his Social Security Number. After the Teamsters got knocked out of the box, the corporations tore down practically every one of the old casinos. And where did the money come from to rebuild the pyramids? Junk bonds. But in the end, I wound up right back where I started. I could still pick winners, and I could still make money for all kinds of people back home. And why mess up a good thing? And that's that.

It just didn't sink into his head what the Black Book is and what it meant, not being banned from every casino is just one thing but being this book gets you into the brains of every cop and FBI agent in the state, I mean you're listed in there with Al Capone, but Nicky didn't care.

In the casino, the cardinal rule is to keep them playing and to keep them coming back. The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all.

he had a fool-proof scheme, all right. It wasn't very scientific but it worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves. What were they gonna do? Muscle Nicky? Nicky was the muscle.

The bombing was never authorized, but I suspect I know who lit the fuse. And so did the powers that be.

Ward, you're pissing me off. Now you're insulting my intelligence; what you think I am, a fuckin' idiot? You know goddamn well that someone had to get into those machines and set those fuckin' reels. The probability of one four-reel machine is a million and a half to one; the probability of three machines in a row; it's in the billions! It cannot happen, would not happen, you fuckin' momo! What's the matter with you? Didn't you see you were being set up on the second win?

Whoever it was, they put the dynamite under the passenger's side. But what they didn't know, what nobody outside the factory knew, was that that model car was made with a metal plate under the driver's seat. It's the only thing that saved my life.

Normally, my prospects of coming back alive from a meeting with Nicky were 99 out of 100. But this time, when I heard him say "a couple of hundred yards down the road", I gave myself 50-50.

The Feds were watching Nicky play golf for so long that they ran out of gas. Just what I needed, right in front of the control board.

And what happens next? I can't believe it. Who the hell would believe that the FBI had a wire in the place looking for some information about some old homicide about some guy who was whacked out God knows when over God knows what. Would you believe such a thing could happen? Every FBI man across the country had their ears open, this guy basically sunk the whole world.

Before I ever ran a casino or got myself blown up, Ace Rothstein was a helluva handicapper, I can tell you that. I was so good that when I bet, I can change the odds for every bookmaker in the country. I'm serious. I had it down so cold that I was given paradise on earth. I was given one of the biggest casinos in Las Vegas to run: The Tangiers, by the only kind of guys that can get you that kind of money. Sixty-two million seven hundred thousand dollars. I don't know all the details.

Who could resist? Anywhere else in the country, I was a bookie, a gambler, always lookin' over my shoulder, hassled by cops, day and night. But here, I'm 'Mr Sam Rothstein'. I'm not only legitimate, but running a casino. And that's like selling dreams for cash.

And, along with making us legit, comes cash. Tons of it. I mean, what do you think we're doing out here in the middle of the desert?

You're askin' me for twenty-five thousand. I'm not out to make you feel bad. I want to just be able to trust you. You now, it's about trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life. Do you understand? Can I trust you? Can I trust you? Can I trust you? Answer me. Can I trust you?

They never know what hit them. And if, and when, they do find out that they just got zapped by a cattle prod, they wish they really did have a heart attack.

But one thing I could just never understand was how she could have everything under control but her old pimp Lester Diamond.

Ginger had the hustler's code… She knew how to take care of people. And that's what Vegas was all about… It's Kickback City… She took care of the dealers… pit bosses, floor managers… But mostly… she took care of the valet parkers, the guys who could get you anything and take care of anything… Ginger took care of the parkers because they took care of the security guards, who took care of the metro cops, who let her operate.

Nicky being Nicky, he made his presence known. Especially at the casino, where he definitely did not work, people got the message.

You can spot these assholes by watching the way they bet. Like this guy. He's bettin' lavender chips at five hundred each with only one little problem. He's always guessed right. If he wasn't so fuckin' greedy, he'd have been tougher to spot. But in the end, they're all greedy.

Meeting in the middle of the desert always made me nervous. It's a scary place. I knew about the holes in the desert, of course, and everywhere I looked, there could have been a hole.

And that's that.