Olivia Cooke Monologues

Dear Pittsburgh State Admissions, I'm writing on behalf of someone who gave me half a year of his life at the time when I was at my most difficult to be around. He has a very low opinion of himself, which is why I think it's necessary that you hear from someone who sees him as he actually is: A limitlessly kind, sweet, giving, and genuine person. No matter how much he would deny it. The drop in his academic performance this year is the consequence of all the time he spent with me and the time he spent making things for me and how hard that was for him. You can ask him about it, but his sort of over the top humility will probably get in the way. No one has done more to make me smile than he has. And no one ever could.

I'm ugly, Greg! Everyone feels like they have to lie to me and no one realizes how insulting that is. Everyone thinks they're helping, and they're not."

Dear Greg, I heard what happened with your class work. And with Pitt State. So, I wrote them a letter, trying to convince them to let you back in. There's a copy in here, if you want to read it. Hopefully, it works, because that would mean I have powers from beyond the grave. But you should probably send them something too. Goodbye, Greg. You're a good friend. Although if you don't go to college, you're also an idiot. But you already knew that. Love, Rachel. P.S. I'd also like for you to take some of my pillows. They'll want a good home where they'll be loved. P.P.S. Not in the way you're thinking, that's disgusting.

Look, I don't want you hanging out with me. I don't need your stupid pity. It's fine, you can just go.