Lio Tipton Monologues

You are an asshole in so many languages.

I think you severely overestimated your ability to break hearts.

No, that's like trying to get the toothpaste back into the tube - you can't do it. It is out there. I have seen your penis. You've implied I'm a slut. Those are big things.

Oh, no. No, no, no. I am an epic dancer, but you see… see if you see me dance, you'll follow me around like a little puppy dog and it'll be embarrassing for us both. So you have to stay here. For your own safety, trust me on that one.

This is a serious pattern, I am regressing. Last year I was in college and I was Chris's fiancee and I drank wine in restaurants. And now I am at home all day in my underwear, and I'm nobody's nothing and I can't even get into a bar. What is happening to me? I am going backwards! I am Benjamin Button-ing!

So earlier you asked what I did for a living and I kinda got a little feisty.

Well, the answer is… I am less-then-employed at the moment. I don't do anything. See, last year I was able to say, "I'm a premed student, " which sounds kind of impressive, right? Uh, but then I graduated and I'm not allowed to say it anymore.

No, no, no, no, you just- you step away, you are not cleaning that up. You will just hold it over my head, go… to… your… room! I can handle this.