Kevin Spacey Monologues

I wanna tell you something Mark, something you do not yet know, that we K-PAXians have been around long enough to have discovered. The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, & again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have.

Every being in the universe knows right from wrong, Mark.

I would say that you misread Einstein, Dr. Powell. May I call you Mark? You see Mark, what Einstein actually said was that nothing can accelerate to the speed of light because its mass would become infinite. Einstein said nothing about entities already traveling at the speed of light or faster, at tachyon speeds.

Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. How many doctors are there on this planet?

Let me tell you something, Mark. You humans, most of you, subscribe to this policy of an eye for an eye, a life for a life, which is known throughout the universe for its... stupidity. Even your Buddha and your Christ had quite a different vision, but nobody's paid much attention to them, not even the Buddhists or the Christians. You humans. Sometimes its hard to imagine how you've made it this far.

You know, for an educated person, Mark, you repeat things quite a bit. Are you aware of that? A soap bubble is round because it is the most energy-efficient configuration. Similarly, on your planet I look like you. On K-PAX I look like a K-PAXian.

Well, I've been here many times before. But what brought me here first? I don't know. Pure curiosity, I guess. I'd never been to a Class BA-3 planet before.

I will admit the possibility that I am Robert Porter, if you will admit the possibility that I am from K-PAX. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a beam of light to catch.

She says she doesn't like it when you hide her favorite tennis shoe, and she doesn't hear so well on her left side, so don't sneak up on her anymore.

You know what I've learned about your planet? There's enough life on Earth to fill 50 planets. Plants, animals, people, fungi, viruses, all jostling to find their place, bouncing off each other, feeding off each other. Connected.

Nobody wants, nobody needs. On K-PAX, when I'm gone, nobody misses me. There would be no reason to. And yet I sense that when I leave here… I will be missed. Yes. Strange feeling.

Oh, yes. Much like on Earth, but unlike you humans, the reproductive process is, uh, quite unpleasant for us.

It's more like having your nuts in a vise, except we feel it all over. And to make matters worse, the sensation is associated with something like your nausea accompanied by a very bad smell. The moment of climax is like being kicked in the stomach and then falling into a pool of mot droppings.

Well, actually, there are ten, but that doesn't matter. I'm not from your solar system. K-PAX is about 1,000 of your light-years away from here in what you would call your constellation Lyra

You seem overly upset, Mark. To borrow a phrase from Navarro: You need to chill. For your information: All beings have the capacity to cure themselves, Mark. This is something we've known on K-PAX for millions of years.

Thank you all for coming in a little early this morning. I know yesterday was pretty bad and I wish I could say that today is gonna be less so, but that isn't gonna be the case. Now I'm supposed to read this statement to you all here, but why don't you just read it on your own time and I'll just tell you what the fuck is going on here. I've been here all night… meeting with the Executive Committee. And the decision has been made to unwind a considerable position of the firm's holdings in several key asset classes. The crux of it is… in the firms thinking, the party's over as of this morning. There's gonna be considerable turmoil in the Markets for the foreseeable future. And they believe it is better that this turmoil begin with us. As a result, the firm has decided to liquidate its majority position of fixed income MBS… today. These are your packets, you will see what accounts you're responsible for, today. I'm sure it hasn't taken you long to understand the implications of this sale, on your relationships with your counter parties and as a result… on your careers. I have expressed this reality to the Executive Committee, and they understand. As a result, if you achieve a 93% sale of your assets, you will receive a 1.4 million dollar one-off bonus. If the floor as a whole achieves a 93% sale, you will get an additional 1.3 million dollars apiece. For those of you who've never been through this before, this is what the beginning of a fire sale looks like. I cannot begin to tell you how important the first hour and half is gonna be. I want you to hit every bite you can find: dealers, brokers, clients, your mother if she's buying. And… no swaps, it's outgoing only, today. Obviously this is not going down the way that any of us would have hoped, but… the ground is shifting below our feet, and apparently, there's no other way out.

That's true. And if I had, at least there'd be some holes in the ground to show for it.

Well, they won't exactly call it that. It'll be a mercy killing, really. You don't have to stand out here for me.

I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears Tower but I can't talk my wife out of the bedroom or my kid off the phone.

I can't believe this, I'm just surrounded by a room of people who wanna go in there and kill him. This is the guy who call you friend. I got nothing invested in this. I wonder why that is, or maybe someday we'll find out.

You hurt one of them, you burn up any currency you have with me. They're all I care about. Getting you out of here alive... a distant second.

I'm a stranger to you. You have no idea what I am capable of.

You think killing a man gives you the right to negotiate with me?

It's interesting that you pick one where the hero dies.

That's a common misconception, in the last frame he's slumped over on his horse.

Sort of. I was negotiating a truce between my wife and daughter.

It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Well I guess you think Butch and Sundance lived too.

"I can't believe this, I'm just surrounded by a room of people who wanna go in there and kill him. This is the guy who call you friend. I got nothing invested in this. I wonder why that is, or maybe someday we'll find out."

I know what I'm talking about, Arlene! My father got down on his knees and begged my mother. And my mother,s he always took him back. I never understood it. she'd cover up the bruises and the cuts and she'd take him back. Because he begged and he cried. And now you ask me, you ask me what happened after he came back.

Not for long. By 13 I was gone. i ran away. But I missed her so… I had to go back and see her. So one night I did. Now, ask me what happened. What happened that night you came back, Eugene?

He was there. Drunk. As usual. Only this time I wasn't the same. I was 16 years old and I was no longer afraid of him. And when I looked him in the eyes and told him if he ever touched her again I would kill him, he knew. He knew that he would never exist for me again. And I'm standing in front of the house. I'm yelling, screaming for her to come out. I'm telling her she doesn't have to take it anymore. She really doesn't. She can come with me now. I don't even see it. He hits me in the side of the head with a two-by-four and I'm bleeding from my ear. And then he's dragging me. He's dragging me behind the house into the garage. And then he's gone. A minute… five minutes… I don't know. And then he's back. And he's wetting me down. He's wetting me down and I don't understand. I don't understand why water… should smell so bad. I don't understand. And then I see it. I see… this… this gas can. This red gas can from his truck.

And he looks at me one last time… and he lights a match. And the last thing I remember, I'll never forget it, were his eyes. His eyes because they were filled with this immense… satisfaction.

Arlene, I don't want to be one of those people he's talking about. And I've become one. I don't want to spend another second of wasted air. Please, don't make me stay trapped in here forever.

OK. You know, I'm going to have to consult my spirit guides here, because you tell me that Trevor is withholding from you, but you won't tell me anything specific and you still want me to sit here and divine why.

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me? Considering the information I have about our Editorial Director buying pussy with company money - which, I think, would interest the I.R.S., since it technically constitutes fraud; and I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to know about it as well. Not to mention Craig's wife!

Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this… sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.

That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident.

On what grounds? I'm not a drunk, I don't fuck other women, I don't mistreat you, I've never hit you... I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear just how unnecessary you consider me to be! But I did support you when you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn out the light when you come to bed!

Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.

This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what, I've changed! And the new me whacks off when he feels horny, 'cause you're obviously not gonna help me out in that department!

Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man… a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him; a man, who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets!

A woman… so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed… forever.

Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.

I visited your home this morning after you'd left. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir... her pretty head.

Oh really? So, what were you doing? Biding your time? Toying with me? Allowing five innocent people to die until you felt like springing your trap? Tell me, what was the indisputable evidence you were going to use on me right before I walked up to you and put my hands in the air?

What sick ridiculous puppets we are / and what gross little stage we dance on / What fun we have dancing and fucking / Not a care in the world / Not knowing that we are nothing / We are not what was intended.

Don't ask me to pity those people. I don't mourn them any more than I do the thousands that died at Sodom and Gomorrah.