Jason Bateman Monologues

Back then, everybody had a name. I was Simple Simon.

Holy shit. I'm an asshole, Robyn, okay? I made his life a living hell and I treated him like shit. Is that what you're trying to figure out? That I was an asshole? I was an asshole, okay? My dad was an asshole to me, treated me like shit. But I took it. I sucked it up. I'm not on my hands and knees crying about it, praying about it. Stuck in the fucking past about it. I moved on. I made something of my life. This world's about fucking winners and losers, and we're all in the same shitty playground, you know? Guess what? That this guy lost and then he's moaning about it, is just him being stuck because he wants to be stuck because he can't get past the fucking moment. He's not going to pull me back and apologize for something I don't know about, that I'm not responsible for, that I don't care about. I don't owe that guy shit.

Don't interrupt me, because I gotta power right through it and then you can talk right afterwards, okay?

... expresses how sorry I am that things turned out the way they did. Gordon. Sad face. "P.S.: I also apologize about the dinner. Without going into detail, I think I would feel ashamed to have you see where I really live. I am not exactly the success story that you both are. Stupid me. No, another sad face. Two sad faces. Oy.

P.P.S. Simon, after all these years, I really was willing to let bygones be bygones. I had nothing but good intentions.

Look at us. Running around, always rushed, always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race. What we crave most in this world is connection. For some people it happens at first site. It's when you know, you know. It's fate working its magic. And that's great for them. They get to live in a pop song; ride the express train. But that's not the way it really works. For the rest of us it's a bit less romantic. It's complicated and it's messy. It's about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities. And not being able to say what you need to say when you need to say it. At least, that's the way it was for me.

Every once in a while, out of all the randomness, something unexpected happens that pushes us all forward. And the truth is, what I'm struggling to think, and what I'm struggling to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all.

Oh yeah? You enjoy that, there's gonna come a time in your life when you're not gonna want people to know it's your birthday.

Because getting old sucks. Most people don't accomplish what they'd hope to and they realize that they are most likely not going to. They end up living these quite lives of denial, and uh... brushing birthdays under the rug just becomes a part of that.

Not specifically Parkinson's, But I'm not gonna lie, I've had my bouts with hypochondria.

That's thinking you have diseases that you don't really have.

So that we're clear, she did not put me in the friend zone. We put each other in the friend zone. It was a mutual placement. You know that.

What is that even supposed to mean?

I see. So just so that I'm clear, which one of your three failed marriages taught you that lesson?

Look at. Running around. Always rushed. Always late. Guess that's why they called it the human race. But sometimes, it slows down just enogh for all the pieces fall into place Fate works it's magic. And you're connected.

Neurotic is simply an intense form of introspection. You're be called introspective and being introspective is good. You walk around with an opinion, with point of view, and some source of nice kind of direction.