Ellen Burstyn Monologues

No, my husband hates me and I'm trying to get him to chase me around the bedroom.

If you ask me that one more time, I'm gonna beat you to death. Just sit back there and relax and enjoy life, huh?

Easy. I could be just as happy if I never saw one again, ever. Of course, I don't know, it might be different if I ever, you know, if I met a man like Robert Redford. I mean, that could be different.

You know, he wouldn't be the kind of man that would roll over and go to sleep as soon as he's finished. And he'd be very gentle.

I'm out there, spending too much money on clothes... trying to look like maybe I'm under 30 so somebody will hire me... and you're sitting in here, whining like an idiot. I will get a job, all right?

I don't mean he demonstrated. He told me that the worst thing that can happen is if a boy feels like he's put his lips in a bowl of wet oatmeal.

So the most important thing to remember before you kiss is to wipe your mouth real good and keep your lips together so he doesn't kiss your teeth. So, we went to see "The Postman Always Rings Twice." And there was this big close-up of - what's her name? Lana Turner and John Garfield, right? And they're just coming together. Big dramatic moment. At last, they're going to kiss. The music's playing. It's very dramatic. And just as they come together, they both open their mouths. And I thought, "My God, don't they know how to kiss? What's wrong with them?" And I turned and looked at my brother to see what he was going to say. He just sat there. He didn't move, he was just looking at screen. He didn't say anything for three weeks. And then all of a sudden one day, he says: "Well, Al, I've been thinking."

Yes, he always called me Al. "l think maybe you're supposed to part your lips a little bit when you kiss."

We decided we wanted to go into show business from the movies.

I got married and Donald wanted to live in his hometown. I wanted to go on singing. He said, "No wife of mine is going to sing in a saloon." I said, "Yes, master." I kind of liked that.

It was like, you know, my idea of a man: strong and dominating.

When you're awake the things you think, Come from the dreams you dream, Thought has wings, and lots of things, Are seldom what they seem, Sometimes you think you've lived before, All that you live today, Things you do come back to you, As though they knew the way, Oh the tricks your mind can play, It seems we stood and talked like this, before, We've looked at each other in the same way then, But I can't remember where or when...

You know what I'll do when my ship comes in? I'm going to get me one of those fancy negligees and a pair of gold high-heeled slippers, with the fur pompons on them, or whatever you call them. And then I'm going to shave my legs, like all those ladies on television do.

I AM a singer.

I'm somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they'll all like me. I'll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It's a reason to get up in the morning. It's a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It's a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right. What have I got Harry, hm? Why should I even make the bed, or wash the dishes? I do them, but why should I? I'm alone. Your father's gone, you're gone. I got no one to care for. What have I got, Harry? I'm lonely. I'm old.

Ah, it's not the same. They don't need me. I like the way I feel. I like thinking about the red dress and the television and you and your father. Now when I get the sun, I smile.

In the end it's all nice.

Purple in the morning, blue in the afternoon, orange in the evening.

There's my three meals, Mr. Smartypants.

And green at night. Just like that. One, two, three, four.

How come you know more about medicine than a doctor?

If this is a red, I wanna know, what's orange?

I'm walkin' across the stage! And you should see my Harry on television. We're giving the prizes away.

I just wanted to be on the show!

Of course he gives me pills. He's a doctor!

Uh, uh, a blue one, a purple one, an orange one...

Everything's all mixed up, confused.

I'm thinking thin.

Harold, I'm gonna be on television.

Good afternoon, Mr. Rabinowitz, although I'm not so sure how good it is.